Thursday 31 January 2013

Things I learned from watching Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln was very tall.

He was also a Republican. I realised I don't know what party most of America's presidents were from (apart from the most recent ones). I know names and policies, eg Roosevelt and The New Deal. But I don't really know whether they were Democrat or Republican.

It was really hard to get the 13th Amendment through. I didn't realise how many educated men had opposed it.

The 13th Amendment was such a massive thing. I think we don't realise it because we live in an age where slavery seems so incomprehensible.

Abraham Lincoln and his wife didn't really get on a lot of the time.

All but one of his sons died before adulthood.

Everything was so dark at night time, pre-electricity.

Sometimes, as humans, we do the wrong thing. And sometimes we do the right thing. There is hope for us yet.

Abraham Lincoln was a self-taught lawyer. He read some Blackstone's guides then passed the Bar and started practising. I reckon I could probably skip bar school and do the same. What do you think? (This isn't actually in the film, I Googled it afterward.)

Lincoln was assassinated right in the thick of the war ending and the Amendment being passed. I hadn't realised it was so soon.

Orange Wednesday is mental time to go to the cinema. I've never seen so many people waiting in a line to buy popcorn. (I learned that from the cinema experience itself, not the film.)

A bottle of water in the shop is £1. A bottle of water in the cinema is £2.75.

Wednesday 30 January 2013

Three word days

Good morning everyone. Today my guest blogger has an interesting new spin on diary-keeping. Enjoy!


I wonder if you’ve ever tried to keep a diary. Perhaps you have or maybe you still do. If you can make it a habit it’s a great source of reflections on your life and what happened in it at a particular time. Many years ago I did keep a diary for a couple of years and then more recently did it for just one year. It’s hard to keep it going though. Perhaps you’ve done a holiday diary for say a week or 2 weeks. Again I’ve done that where you not only write but stick in the pages all sorts of bits like tickets or leaflets about the things you did or visited. However I wonder if you’ve ever thought of maybe recording just one event for the day, one thing which stood out. There is a radio prog here in the UK on national radio in which people are invited to write/text/email in with their day summaries but it can only be 3 words. Yes that’s right only 3 words. Now of course it’s well nigh impossible to write a summary of your day in three words so people pick one thing which for them made the day special or different or just one thing they want to remember for that particular day. It might even be an opinion on something in the news.

Here are just 3 examples of the many which are read out. You can see the kinds of things people send in, for each day. These were sent in to the programmes from last week. Each one is from a different person and they read them out at various times during the 2 hour prog:

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Mon – 1. No snow here 2. Single yet again 3. Panic bought chocolate

Tue - 1. Freezing fingers off 2. Ready for bed 3. Scandinavia is laughing

Wed - 1. Four large cookies 2. Still in pyjamas 3. Cruciate ligament snapped

Thu - 1. Hernia op success 2. Good riddance snow 3. Regretting yesterday’s curry

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I think you get the idea.

Here are my recent 3-word days:

Mon 21.1.13 – Off work today

Tue 22.1.13 – Thirteen hour shift

Wed 23.1.13 – Slept in late

Thu 24.1.13 – Saw Les Miserables

Fri 25.1.13 – Changed bed linen

Sat 26.1.13 – Helen Shapiro concert

Sun 27.1.13 – Snow almost gone

Mon 28.1.13 – Projector fault investigated

Also I have some from a couple of years ago:

Wed 10.11.10 Contact Buchter News

Thu 11.11.10 Windy night Blackpool

Thu 18.11.10 Hospital, needle, arm

Mon 22.11.10 Donation, anonymity, accepted

Tue 23.11.10 Happy faces Luderitz

Wed 24.11.10    Cheques in post

 

Why don’t you give it a try? You might be surprised as you look back on those brief words for each day. It’s much easier & quicker than the full diary thing and keeps just a thought for the day for you to remember. It can be a challenge but I think you might enjoy doing it so have a go and see how you get on. Then why don’t you do a reply sending your 3-word summary for the day you are reading this or maybe do it for a week and send the whole seven days in a reply next week – (that would still only be 21 words).

Tuesday 29 January 2013

A few reviews

Ok, so my very favourite thing to do lately is to plug in my earphones, set an audio book going and walk up to the park. I've been tearing through them at a surprising rate recently so I thought I'd let you know what's worked for me and what hasn't.

I had a lucky first experience of Audible.com when I downloaded my first book, The Snow Child. It was read well, the story was brilliant and I was totally hooked.

The next book I listened to was called The Teahouse Fire by Ellis Avery. It was a lot longer than The Snow Child so took me a while to listen to. You basically follow the protagonist's entire life story, from New York to Japan and back. Without realising that you're wrapped up in the story, you hold your breath when it seems she will be discovered and you recoil, waiting to hear what will happen when she makes a cultural faux pas. At the time, it feels quite slow moving and I'm still not definitely sure why it is called The Teahouse Fire as plenty of other, more significant things happen to her. But upon finishing it, I suddenly thought that I would like to listen to it again as I think it would gain a lot on a second listening.

Then I listened to A Wild Sheep Chase, by Haruki Murakami, which was obviously a bit mental. I'll always have a soft spot for Murakami's writing as it makes me think of long days spent in a little guest house on Bohol island in the Philippines, reading Kafka on the Shore. He deals in the type of surrealist writing that is kind of like the literary version of a Picasso painting. A bit out there, you're not sure what direction it will take next, nothing seems to make sense. It takes on an odd fixation, this book, a particular sheep with a star on it's back. The story is creative and engaging. I didn't love the way it was read, to be honest. But overall, it was a typical Murakami and I enjoyed it.

Next I listened to Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley. I don't need to tell you all the story of this as anyone who is anyone knows about it or has read it. I've carried a copy round with me for years and never read it so Audible.com seemed like the best way to finally read it. It offers an eerily possible world-scenario that I don't feel it either advocated nor denigrated. Initially I rebelled from the idea of not having familial links, of being free and forward with sexual attitudes, of growing babies and engineering them through phrases repeated to them in their sleep. But them we had a glimpse of how someone from this futuristic world might view us as we are now. And it was equally repulsive. I came away feeling neither neither relieved nor horrified that our world is the one looked upon unfavourably by the beings of the future. It simply made me think about how we are and how we operate as a society. For that, I recommend it to everyone. It's brilliance lies in its springboard effect, it is there to promote further thought.

Miranda Hart's Is It Just Me is a work of comical genius. Now I'm not a big Miranda follower (being only 5"4) and haven't caught that many of the programmes. I've seen her present a few quiz shows and thought she was quite funny. But I wasn't necessarily on the Miranda band wagon (the Miranda-wagon, as she might call it). I downloaded this book just because it was on the best sellers list. And boy, am I glad I did! This is not a book to be listened to outside whilst walking down a busy high street, as I quickly learned after laughing out loud when she used the word 'flabiola' to describe herself. She also often needs you to say 'yes!' loudly at certain points so, to save drawing attention to yourself, make sure you are at home or in an empty park. I honestly couldn't get enough of Miranda. After turning her off to make dinner or go to work, I kept thinking about how I wanted to turn her on again. She became like a life guru to me for a week. I have no doubt I'll listen to her again when I've finished any other books waiting to be listened to. Give it the first chapter to get into the swing of things, to get onto the same page. And then, you're away. This is a must-listen.

Monday 28 January 2013

Danda and the croissant

On a recent train journey, Danda and I were up early so neither of us had eaten before leaving the house. We got one train, then a tube then another train, which had all taken about an hour and a half. By the time we sat down, we were feeling light-headed from tea-deprivation and hunger.

Danda, in a fit of generosity and helpfulness, offered to go and get some victuals from the cafe cart, further down the train.

"What would you like?" he asked.

"Oo, just something small," said I, not wanting to sound like a fat pie by asking for two muffins and a chocolate bar.

"A croissant, perhaps?" he suggested.

"Yes please. A little croissant would be nice."

"And a drink? Some tea?"

"Yes, I think so. And a bottle of water."

"Ok," Danda said and started to leave.

"Actually, no. Not a tea, thanks. Just a water."

"Just a water?"

"Yeh, thanks."

And off he went, to the cafe cart. He was gone quite a while. I was getting hungry and couldn't stop thinking about the croissant Danda was bringing back to me. My throat hurt and I was looking forward to having a nice cool drink of water.

I waited and waited and wondered what had happened.

After about fifteen minutes Danda arrived back at the table and gave me a bottle of water. I looked in his hands and couldn't see anything else. Not a coffee for himself or a croissant for me or anything. Hmm.

He sat down, super casual, and started making idle chatter about the recent snow.

"Danda," I said, timidly. Clearly something had happened here and I did not know what it was. "Danda, where are all the other things? I thought you would have got a cup of coffee?"

"O yes, I had one. There are little tables there where you can have your coffee so I had it there."

"And the croissant?"

"Yes, I had one with my coffee. It was quite nice. They give you two little ones with your coffee."

"And the other one? Where is that one?"

"I started it but got quite full. I threw most of the second one in the bin."

"Um, in the bin? Why did you put it in the bin? Didn't you bring one for me?"

"O. I thought you just wanted the water. I threw the other croissant away."

Yes that's right. Not only had he thought I only wanted water but he had eaten a croissant whilst there, then had a bite of a second and thrown it in the bin. The bin, readers. The bin in carriage number 13. While I starved in carriage number 18.

Any advice on what I should do about this situation?

Sunday 27 January 2013

Things it's ok to do as a child

Stop a party of six whilst out walking so that you can wish on a star.

Fart and blame it on the TV.

Have long conversations with your reflection in the mirror.

Have plain spaghetti and green 'olibs' (olives) for dinner.

Say things like, "I'm going to marry Adam. When I'm 13."

Have people accompany you to the toilet, just to chat to them about Barbie.

Declare loudly, "I don't like hippos!" at the dinner table with absolutely no prerequisite.

Reply to the sentence, "I'm scared of monsters," with the advice, "You should eat your carrots then."

Jump in all puddles, even ones which are tiny, five hundred times before moving on, even when everyone's in a rush.

Dig around in your nostril for a massive snot then wipe it on the nearest person forehead (Danda's).

Tell everyone in the room whether it is a wee or a poo that you are going to the bathroom for.

Drink your entire body weight in apple juice.

Laugh hysterically for ten whole minutes at someone pulling tongues at you.

Rub novelty Gruffalo shampoo all over everyone's faces and necks and tell them it is make up.

Paint a grown man's fingernails (Danda's) with silver glittery nail varnish then insist he go out to McDonald's with it still on.

Talk for twenty minutes about the best way to defeat dragons.

Eat a whole apple before holding up the core and saying, "I don't like it."

Put animal stickers all over your face in public and sit on a windowsill looking around and waving at strangers.

Saturday 26 January 2013

Pathways

I'm on the move this morning, off to visit my favourite 5-year-old and her little sister so I don't have time to write anything properly. Instead I'm going to do something I've been thinking about for a while. I really love taking photographs of paths leading off into the distance. I'm not sure why. I think it's because of the potential for adventure, the invitation to explore an unknown world. I've taken tons of them so I thought I'd share a few.

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At the start of a hiking trail in St Leonard du Bois in France.

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At a lake in Northern France.

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At Boxhill, Surrey.

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On the Thames Path, near Ham

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Next to the river, Ham.

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On a little path I found when exploring the riverside around Richmond.
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The path down to the river, from near Richmond Park.

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Walking to Twickenham.

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In a friend's back garden in Norfolk.

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Finding more hidden pathways next to the river, Teddington.

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A path cut into the edge of a rock in Portugal.

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On a walk near Gomshall, Surrey.

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Amongst the ferns in Richmond Park.

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In Highgate Woods, north London.

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Corridors under the floor of the Colluseum, Rome.

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On Tooting Common, south London.

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In between houses in Kew, West London.

Friday 25 January 2013

The time we found the toastie machine

While at uni, I lived in a rubbishy little flat with some friends. We had a 'guest of honour' friend who basically lived on the sofa. It was great fun. We spent our days lazing around, pretending to study, blabbing and ordering takeaway food from the Vietnamese restaurant down the road.

One day, the sofa-dwelling friend and I were in the front room and we happened to remember that there was a toastie machine somewhere in the kitchen. We weren't even particularly hungry but the toastie machine promised to be a fun way to spend an hour or two.

We located the toastie machine and plugged it in. Now we just needed some bread. We raided all the cupboards and found an entire loaf in someone's cupboard. We'll just have two slices each, we thought, innocently, getting the loaf out. She'll never notice.

We then raided the fridge for cheese, ham, peanut butter, bacon, bananas, anything that might respond well to being heated and squished between two pieces of bread. We made the sandwiches up, put them in the toastie machine and waited. While we waited, we came up with brilliant new concoctions that we could try in the toastie machine next. When our first lot of sandwiches were ready, we put more in and ate while we waited.

Each time one lot was ready, we thought of a great sandwich we should try next. We just went on and on. Soon, there was no bread left and we started to panic. There was a little newsagents a minute away so we went and got ourselves a new loaf. We just had a few pieces out of before putting it in the cupboard that we had earlier stolen the bread from.

Shortly after replacing the loaf, the friend who's bread we had stolen came home and fancied a bit of toast. She went to her cupboard and was puzzled when her lovely Warburton's thick-cut softest-ever bread had turned into a no-frills not-very-tasty bread that looked like it had been bought at the cornershop.

She turned to ask what had happened and saw....

Two girls, old enough to know better, in a mess of melted cheese and bread crusts and crumbs and banana skins and open jars of jam and peanut butter. The two girls looked guilty but unable to move due the bread-induced semi-coma they were in.

We were never allowed to play with the toastie machine again....

Thursday 24 January 2013

What's the difference?

A little change to the usual routine this week, we're having the guest blogger on Thursday. So here it is, an interesting lesson in language....

 

What’s The Difference? – 1

English is a language with many foibles and quirky bits of spelling and grammar. It is though like any sport or game – you need to know the rules if you’re going to play properly. I’m sure there will have been instances where you were writing something and wondered what the correct word or phrase to use was. There may be other times when you look back and realise you’ve used the wrong one. This post is about just a few of those often confused words or phrases that maybe sound or look the same or have a different shade of meaning. At this point I must make it clear that the differences I’m looking at are those defined by English grammar and may differ from those in the US. This is not to say that the UK has it right and the US has it wrong; they’re simply different and should be accepted as so. When in the UK spell and use as we do, when in America spell and use as they do, when in Rome etc. Anyway that’s just a roundabout way of saying that what follows may be specific to Britain and may not be the case in the US. I’m sure budding writers out there will know these but many ordinary folks don’t or they get mixed up.

Ok, so here we go.

What’s the difference between:

1. Continual/Continuous and Continually/Continuously

See if you know the right words to use in these sentences:

a. The clock needs to be wound continually/continuously to make sure it tells the right time.

b. The annoying alarm on the house sounded continually/continuously through the night.

c. There is a continual/continuous danger to pedestrians crossing this road because some motorists break the speed limit.

If you know the difference these are easy. If not then here are the answers:

1a Continually 1b Continuously 1c either is possible depending on your interpretation of the meaning.

Why?

The word “Continual” refers to a repeated action over a period of time where there are breaks in between occurrences. “Continuous” means repeated action but with no breaks.

That means in 1a the clock had to be wound otherwise it would run down and not tell the right time. It needs re-winding many times. However if you wound it continuously you would keep turning the winding knob and of course eventually the spring would break because you kept turning without stopping.

1b Continuous because the alarm sounds a constant tone without stopping (well the ones in my area do)

1c This is more difficult because you could say the danger exists only when the car is a speeding one and not when it isn’t (so continual) or you could say the danger is always there because you don’t know which car will be speeding so you have to be on your guard all the time (so continuous). In cases like this where there is a clear ambiguity you should re-write the sentence. For example Pedestrians, in this area, should always take care crossing this road because some motorists break the speed limit. This is quite clear.

2. Hung and Hanged

I’m assuming most of you will know this one but check on these examples:

a. The authorities hung/hanged the prisoner last Thursday.

b. The museum hung/hanged the picture in their newest gallery.

c. The man hung/hanged his head in shame.

Answers: 2a hanged, 2b hung, 2c hung

Why?

Hung is used when it is inanimate objects being referred to; hanged is used when human beings are referred to. Prisoners are hanged not hung; pictures/objects are hung not hanged and so on.

3. Compared to and Compared with

Again you probably know these but check on the sentences below:

a. The height of the zebra when compared with/compared to the height of an ordinary horse is not markedly different.

b. The weight of the winning jockey was compared with/compared to his weight before the start of the race

c. There is a vast difference when the speed of an elephant is compared with/compared to that of a cheetah.

Here are the answers:

3a. Compared to 3b. Compared with 3c Compared to

Why?

Because when using the word compare you can be comparing two objects which may be of the same kind or different. We can compare horse with horses, dogs with dogs; or we can compare horses to dogs. In other words when the objects (or people) are alike we use compare with but when they are different we use compare to. If you find it difficult to remember try this Rambler memory aid: think of the letter “i” in the word “with” and remember there’s an “i” in “alike” so things which are alike are compared with each other. For the comparisons between things which are not alike think of the word “to” and that the last two letters of the word “not” when reversed make “to”. So compared “to” means comparing things not alike. Just be careful if the compare and the “with” or “to” are separated in the sentence as it’s easy to forget so in this example: The safari park wardens compared the eating habits of the elephants with/to those of the rhinos. Which do you think is right?

4. Stationary and Stationery

I won’t bother with sentences here as it’s easy to remember using the Rambler memory aid: Stationary ends in “ary” so just think of “a railway” (a-ry) and the station which doesn’t move (it’s the train that does!). For stationery just think of the “er” bit also being part of the word “printer” and therefore it refers to paper and other office stuff. If you have your own ways of remembering why not let us know and reply to this post. It would be interesting to see how different people have mastered remembering the two words.

5. Due to and Owing to

This can be a difficult one and even the grammar books vary in explaining the best way to tell the difference although not about the actual instances where each should be used. Check the sentences below:

a. The truck driver was late for his delivery at the factory due to/owing to the snow on the roads leading to it.

b. Due to/owing to the recent heavy rain the river had overflowed its banks flooding the streets in the village.

c. The difficulty the students had in finding out information for their exams was due to/owing to the library being closed and the campus computer being down.

d. Flooding in the village streets was due to/owing to the recent heavy rain.

a. Owing to b. Owing to c. Due to d. Due to

Hosie & Mayhew (Choose the right word) give the easiest way to remember how to use the two expressions. First remember not to begin a sentence with “Due to”. Then thanks to them for this rule of thumb: choose “owing to” when the words can be replaced by the phrase “because of”, and choose “due to” when the words can be replaced by “caused by” without the sentence sounding odd.

For example in the above in a. if you chose “due to” it would read, with the substitution, “The truck driver was late for his delivery at the factory caused by the snow on the roads leading to it.” The sentence really needs a bit extra to make the meaning clear so “The truck driver was late for his delivery at the factory and this had been caused by (due to) the snow on the roads leading to it. This doesn’t read as smoothly as “The truck driver was late for his delivery at the factory owing to (or because of) the snow on the roads leading to it” which needs nothing extra. If you are in doubt go for “owing to” or try re-phrasing the sentence.

In sentence d. you could easily put in the words “caused by” (due to) and it makes perfect sense and needs no alteration.

6. Reason and Reason why

a. The reason why/reason I’m writing this letter is because….

b. The reason why/reason the flood happened was because of recent heavy rain

c. An empty petrol tank was the reason why/reason the car came to a stop.

In each of these cases the correct form is to use the word “reason” on its own because it is being used as a noun as in each of the sentences a,b,c. Reason contains the element of why something happened so it’s duplication to say “the reason why”. Similarly with “the reason is because” and “the reason is due to”. A reason cannot be “because of” or “due to” as this is already in the meaning of the word itself. However, when reason is used as a verb then it may be followed by why. For example: The scientists were keen to reason why this particular result had happened. In other words “reason why” can be used in the context of an investigation into finding out how something has happened.

There are of course many more of these types of usage differences and maybe I’ll do a part 2 on them in the future.

Wednesday 23 January 2013

The igloo

One snowy day in Liverpool, my brother and I decided we were going to make an igloo. No snowman-based nonsense for us! We were going to build a full-on snow house. I'm not sure how old we were. I was probably about nine or ten and my brother is three years older.

In our back garden, there was a gate in the fence, which led out onto a massive field where football and cricket competitions were played. At the far side is the athletics track where my brother took me with a bike and taught me to ride without stabilisers.

So when it snowed, all the kids with gardens which backed onto this field would be there, rolling massive snow balls and building snowmen and having snowball fights. It was loads of fun.

It was on one of these days that we decided to build the igloo. We used our fence as one wall and got to work on three more walls. It took a looooong time. We brought snow, packed it onto our little walls, getting ever so slightly higher each time.

After a while, we came up with an energy saving scheme where I would be Wall Builder and my brother would be Snow Bringer. We did this for a good while longer, making slow progress. Snow doesn't actually go that far when squashed down onto a wall. This is what I learned that day.

To become even more efficient, we brought a long board type thing from the garden and put it on the ground, pointing in to the igloo. The plan was that my brother would put his snow on the other end of the board and slide it along to me at the igloo door, thereby saving him the vital energy that he otherwise would have expended in those two steps to the door. We are geniuses.

The funniest moment of the igloo building session came when my brother emerged through the gate from our back garden onto the field. He had scooped the hugest pile of snow from our lawn and was carrying it toward the igloo. It was so big that he couldn't even see over it. He approached the board, which by this point, was wet and slidy and, you guessed it, he couldn't see where it started.

He stepped on it and a loud squeak announced his error. In a second, he had fallen flat on his back. His pile of snow, however, moved a little slower. He had thrown it in the air so it took another second to come back down to earth... and landed all over him lying on the floor!

It's probably the funniest thing that I had ever seen up until that point in my life!

After ten minutes of breathless shivery laughter, we got back to work but we had been out for ages by now. After the wall was a little bigger, we balanced our slidy energy-saving board on the top of the walls, to make a roof. We went inside and boiled a kettle of water to melt the snow on the igloo floor.

Once it was habitable, we got inside and lay down, for it was far too small to do anything else.

We had a little chat about what fun it had been, maybe we read books, I'm not sure. What I do know is that it took us about five minutes to get bored of it, get out and go back inside the house to watch television.

Tuesday 22 January 2013

Danda and me and Hide And Seek

So, to understand the fabulousness of this story, I need to tell you about the history of Hide And Seek in our house. For some absurd reason, whenever I hear Danda's key jangling as he approaches the door to come home, I have to hide. I have to. It's like a compulsion. I can't help it. Sometimes if there's not time for me to find a real hiding place I'll just throw a coat over my head and crouch down in the middle of the floor. On times like these, Danda play-acts not knowing where I am, then I leap out and yell 'Boo!' and he asks if the joke is over now and can we please be grown ups.

But so overwhelming is this compulsion to hide, like a small child, that I have hid when I thought I hear his car arriving back. I was so sure it was him that I quickly nipped out of the back door, holding it gently closed. And I waited. I listened. I waited. And I shivered a little, for it is cold in that little section of the house, which is basically like being outside.

Inevitably, he did not come in because it was not his car I had heard.

Sometimes I am upstairs when I hear him come in so I dive under the bed. Danda often forgets about me hiding and when he sees I am not downstairs, he simply puts the kettle on and sits down to watch the news. At times like these, I have to call him to remind him. The phone call usually goes something like this:

Danda: "Hello?"
Me: "Come and find me!"
Danda: "O! I thought you'd gone down to the shop."
Me: "....noooo. Come and find me."

He will then come upstairs and find me and we turn back into adults and continue our evening.

Well tonight, ladies and gentlemen, tonight I excelled myself. When I heard Danda approaching the front door, I ran into the front room and looked around. I've done every hiding place at least twice but this evening I hid somewhere new. I squeezed a little space inbetween the computer desk and the big comfy chair and I crouched in there silently.

Danda came in, looked in the kitchen and front room and didn't see me and, remembering my recent phone call, checked upstairs, under the beds and in the bathroom. Upon not finding me, he thought I must have popped to the shop and re-entered the front room to turn the fire on.

It was at this point, with his guard lowered and not expecting me to be home, that I chose my moment and emerged from between the furniture shouting "BOOOO!" like a madwoman. I must confess, the longer he went on without finding me, the more my excitement built. I couldn't wait to jump out and surprise him! Hence my almost-scream of "Boo!" when I saw my moment arrive.

Danda gave a startled "Aah!" then clutched at his heart and sat down heavily on the sofa laughing and just about staving off the heart attack from shock that threatened to take hold.

It took about twenty minutes of breathlessness and sitting quietly to recover from this one.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what keeps me happy day to day. Little pockets of fun such as this. I derive immense joy from a successful hide and seek escapade and am thinking about putting it on my CV as a 'life skill.'

Try it one day. I dare you. When hear your nearest and dearest fumbling about at the lock with their keys, just run and hide somewhere. Anywhere will do. It doesn't have to be especially inventive. I go through long periods of hiding in the same place every day. It doesn't matter. It's the potential for fun which counts.

Monday 21 January 2013

Advertising nonsense

The other day I was flipping through one of the many catalogues we get sent at work. They are full of new products on the market and cool discounted deals and all the usual advertising jargon you see in the world of products of this sort. Occasionally, though, I come across something which is utter crap.

The most offensive one I saw recently was this nonsense tag line for a coffee company...

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What can this possibly mean? Hand-roasted coffee? Hand picked, maybe. Even handmade. But hand roasted? How is that even possible? The workers at Union have limbs which can reach temperatures of over 100 degrees so they simply hold the coffee in their hands for a while? Or they have huge walk-in ovens so they each take a handful of coffee and walk in the oven to caress the coffee beans gently whilst they roast, in the process roasting themselves alive and getting third degree burns, but they don't mind. They sacrifice their bodies for the sake of bringing us 'hand-roasted' coffee. How lovely.

What?! What can it mean? Hand-roasted? Any suggestions?

Next up, a tea company.

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Design led. Is that supposed to be a good thing? I'm not sure why that would seem good. Do I want a tea company which is taste led? So I know I'm getting a nice tasty cup of tea? Or even innovation led? So I know that maybe I'm getting something new and interesting. Perhaps a fantastic new tea experience which could change my life.

No! This tea company doesn't give two hoots about the taste, the innovation, the potential for new experiences. It couldn't give a cuppa for my morning being made or ruined on the strength of my tea-drinking experience. No. What they care about is the design.

The design. That's right. They'll throw any old PG Tips in the box without a care in the world. So long as the design is good, this company is happy. They are design led. Good to know.

The next nonsense is geography-specific.

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Stonewall Kitchen, advertising their product in a UK magazine, which is being sent out to small delis and shops around the country, are enticing me to buy their product and stock it in my shop by telling me that I will recognise their product from 'artisan shops in the US.'

O, thanks for pointing that out. I couldn't think where I recognised it from. I just knew I'd seen it somewhere!

Because I'm always hanging out in artisan shops in the US.

Always.

I'm never out of them.

I practically live in them.

Ridiculous.

Sunday 20 January 2013

Omygoodness, you HAVE to see this

Readers, prepare yourselves. Prepare yourselves for a post filled with horror and awfulness. For we are going to take journey into the world of....

1970S COOKBOOKS!

I came across this in a box of old cookbooks a friend was giving away and boy, was I glad I picked this one up! It is called Hamlyn All Colour Cookbook. And let me tell you this, it is all colour. It is proud and gregarious in it's all-colour horror. It would have done better to leave the photographs off, for I shall show you the pictures of what the 1970s considered haute cuisine. Are you ready?!

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Mmm, I just love a mysterious lumpy white mass for my dinner.

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Wowzers. More lumpy white nonsense, this time surrounded by green leafy stuff. Can we have that for dinner today, Mum? Can we?!

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Ah, some white nonsense on top of salmon steaks, again the obligatory green leafy nonsense. This is actually a jellified mayonnaise layer, in case you were wondering.

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And again, jellified mayonnaise, this time on top of chicken. LOVING the decorative anchovies... Kind of.

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Talking of things being jellied, check out this turkey-slices-set-in-jelly type of thing.

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Next up, a small roasted chicken, sitting on a bed of jelly stuff squares. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US? Why, Britain, why did we do this to ourselves? Mary Berry has a lot to answer for.

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More chicken related nonsense. A cake type thing, made of chicken. Vomit. And the asparagus on the top. That's quite fresh and lovely, you think, at least that bit's ok. Well, no, no it isn't. Because it is FROM A CAN! In fact, I am instructed to use many things from cans.

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This 'peach tart' requires 1 can of creamed rice for the filling. Ridiculous. On another recipe I am actually told to get frozen chips! Honestly now, frozen chips. If I have frozen chips at home and I choose to eat them, that is different. But to actually include it as an ingredient for a meal in a cookbook?! Has the world gone crazy?! I think probably the worst sentence I have ever seen written down in a book anywhere is the line, 'Fry the frozen chips in the lard.' What. On. Earth.

Fry.

The frozen chips.

In the lard.

Honestly. I'm not making it up. Look.

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This book has a continental section though. We're aware of the fine cuisine offered in other countries. Let's get fancy in our kitchens. Ok, check out the next recipe. I'm sure it will be delicious. Mmm, continental food. Italian pasta... French fancies... There's bound to be something good here.

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Frankfurter salad. I have no words.

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This one's good. It's cheesy buttered noodles. The ingredients? Cheese, butter and noodles. Brilliant.

Last up, some lovely desserts. Don't let me down here. The British have contributed some well-loved cakes to the world of food. Come on. What will it be? A Christmas pudding? An eccles cake? An apple crumble? A rhubarb crumble? Something cakey and warm. A hearty cake to heat one up on a cold winter's evening.

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That's right. We've gone with a dish of pasta shells in chocolate sauce with lines of cream for 'decoration.'

And now, the award for the most attractive sounding dish in the history of the world ever, goes to....

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Woop woop! Can I get a round of applause for the LARDY CAKE! Mm mm. Don't you think? Yes, a peice of lardy cake for me please! Am I allowed seconds? Oo, hold me back, hold me back! I can't get enough of good lardy cake, me.

Well, after that romp through the annals of British food history, I feel thoroughly disheartened and can only apologise in earnest to the world for our below-par cuisine ramblings. We have failed ourselves as a nation.

I understand if you would like to un-follow me, fellow bloggers.

Saturday 19 January 2013

Hobbies I will take up in my old age

Got a slight emergency this morning as Danda's got a gammy elbow so we're off to A&E to see what's wrong with it. So I shall just give you a little post today about something I've been debating over the past few days - the hobbies I will take up in my old age.

Music
I've always played piano. It's in the family. My mother and grandmother both played. I got lessons from my grandmother for a while. And then from the music teacher in school. I can still play everything I learned from memory. I don't have a piano now and there's no space even if I did want one. But when I am older and can give myself over to things of fun and jollity, I will forgo my dining table, my sofa and my television so that I can fit in a grand piano and I shall become the most talented 90 year old piano player the world has ever seen. Just you wait.

Gardening
Not really proper gardening actually, as that requires skill and dedication and I shall probably forget what to water and when. Something quite straight forward. Maybe a vegetable patch. Carrots and onions and broad beans and the like. I think tomatoes aren't too hard but they take over a bit. Anyway, I mainly want things I can either eat, or sit and look at on long summer days.

A regular contributor to Chat magazine
This speaks for itself. I will dedicate myself wholeheartedly to falling in love with inanimate objects, contracting odd diseases and photographing myself doing nothing at all and sending it in.

Knitting
When I lived in Namibia, the sun would set at 5pm and we had no TV and we had read all the books in the apartment and had run out of evening activities. Lucy had learned to knit years ago so we got some wool and knitting needles and took up knitting. In quite a serious way. In fact, we had so many scarves by the time we left that we had to give them to people as presents because we couldn't fit them in our bags to take home! I loved getting into The Zone and just knitting the hours away. When I am older and work less or not at all, I would like to take it up again as I will have more time to learn patterns as all I can make is a scarf. I might even make some fingerless gloves!

Wordsearching
I used to be a master wordsearcher when I was younger. I never went anywhere without a wordsearch book on me. I could take it up again in my old age and maybe attend the Wordsearching World Championships?! I'd definitely win if I did so maybe I shouldn't go, you know, give the others a chance.

On the other hand, I might just jack it all in and run off to India, a la The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel....

Friday 18 January 2013

Midday in Paris

So yesterday, if you remember, I was swanning off to Paris for lunch. There wasn't any real reason for it. Everyone was just being really January-ish. You know, 'what is there to look forward to now that Christmas is over,' and 'it's so cold and miserable' etc etc. Now I don't get too bothered by January. I like cold weather as I feel quite uncomfortable and sweaty in heat. So snow suits me down to the ground. Plus it's good fun. I also didn't have 'a terrible year that I'm trying to move on from', or need to 'make a new start' etc etc. All in all, I feel ok in January. As though to prove this point, I determined to have a January filled with fun. I have seen friends I don't see often, taken lots of long walks and become dedicated to my Michel Roux cookbook in my Masterchef dreams.

In light of all this (and a deal on the Eurostar), I decided to go to Paris for the day. My manager had highly recommended a restaurant for lunch so it was sorted. The train journey there was fairly nondescript, apart from coming out of the Eurotunnel on the French side and being greeted by a sea of white...

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It was beautiful. It was a crisp cold day and the snow sat on everything in sight. It was still there when we came past again going home, the cold weather preventing any snow from melting.

We hopped off the train at midday, our minds boggled by the fact that we were now in France. It seemed silly, so easy and effortless. Get on the train in London. Get off it in Paris.

We had bought tickets for the metro on the Eurostar train so we just found our way downstairs and got on the underground, no fuss. When we got off to switch trains, however, there was a policeman shouting something at everyone on the platform about the 'sortie' - exit. We asked him what was the problem and he said there was a 'suspicious bag' so everyone must leave the station.

Welcome to Paris. You're about to get blown up.

Optimistically, we looked at our map of Paris and concluded that it would only be about 15 minutes to walk the five stops to the restaurant so we set off along the river.

Let me just say this - it did not only take 15 minutes and, despite the freezing weather, we arrived three minutes late, out of breath and quite warm!

The restaurant itself looks unassuming....

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...but inside has the lively fun atmosphere typical of a French restaurant. Four men discussed business loudly in the corner, a large family chattered happily, laughing when one of the teenagers looked suspiciously at the food they had been served, a group of Japanese tourists next to us photographed everything excitedly.

And us? We watched. We watched everything. We watched the kitchen.

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We watched the food going to the tables. We watched the animated waiters telling their little jokes as they rushed about. And we loved it. It was such a fabulous little place to tuck into a corner and watch Parisian life happening.

And we ate. Of course we ate. We chose the tasting menu and prepared to eat whatever the chef was cooking that day. We started with a cauliflower and fish soup, which was definitely a highlight of the whole meal.

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We then had a beef tartate, with oyster, shrimps and radish.

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We moved onto mackerel with white beans and a green salad foam.

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Next up was a rich slow-cooked beef dish with a carrot soup.

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We were then given a dish to share, which looked like short pieces of pasta dressed with chilli oil. We looked closer and realised that, actually, we were eating baby eels! They were way tasty.

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Then it was onto another hearty French dish, a small rack of lamb with pomme puree. This was the best of the mains we had.

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It was then time for dessert, which blew our minds. We were presented with a huge bowl of rice pudding and two smaller bowls, one with salted caramel and one with caramelised walnuts and almonds, to put as much as we wanted of each in our bowls.

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Midway through this delightful bowl, small glasses of lemon sorbet and mango were put next to us, so that we hardly know where to start.

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It was dessert heaven.

After this onslaught of foodie indulgence, we paid and emerged into the sunlight, three hours later and thirty stone heavier. As we wandered along, carefree and a little cold, I saw it....

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A TRUFFLE SHOP! A shop. Full of truffles. The most truffley things I've ever seen in one place. It blew my mind. Danda took a seat and left me to it in the end. They had truffle pesto, truffle pasta sauces, truffle aperitif, truffle flavoured chocolate drinks and (this one floored me), truffle popcorn!
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I purchased some truffle honey and a truffle pasta sauce and of course a bag, to carry things in and pretend it's a bag of truffles.

By this time it was late afternoon and we had wanted to catch Notre Dame in the fading light so we walked back the way we had come and found our way to the cathedral.

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It's so massive that it's almost impossible to get the whole place into one picture. We wandered in and took a seat. Suddenly the excitement of the day gave way to a moment of tiredness and we had a sneaky little nap under the colourful mosaic windows and beautiful chandeliers.

After realising we must have looked like homeless people, we pottered off to make our way to the station for our train home. We still had two hours so we dawdled along the river and stopped off if we wanted to.

We came unexpectedly across the Pompadou Centre and went inside to look at the bookshop. There was a coffee shop so we sat for coffee and I bought some little cakes. They weren't quite the beautiful petits fours and delicate macaroons I had been envisioning for the afternoon coffee stop but the centre itself was lovely so we sacrificed taste for ambience.

With an hour until our train, we kept going and reached the station twenty minutes early.

We then had a second dose of wierdness when we boarded the train in Paris, got off it in London and went back home to have a cup of tea on the sofa and watch an episode of Family Guy.

Thursday 17 January 2013

What's that you say?

O, did you say something then? What's that? You want to know where I'm going at this early hour in the morning?

Well, I shall tell you. I am going to lunch.

Lunch, you say? Lunch? At this time in the morning? Why are you leaving the house at this time to go to lunch?

Well, the lunch, say I, the lunch takes a little while to get to. I must take a train to get to the lunch.

A train? A train at five to eight in the morning? Is it far away, this lunch?

O, not too far. Just two and a half hours.

For lunch, you ask. It must be somewhere nice.

Yes, it comes highly recommended by a friend, I tell you. The head chef is marvelous, the food fantastic. I am very excited.

Is it a place I'd know, you ask. This fantastic restaurant, will I have heard of it? Is it in London?

O no, say I. It is not in London. The restaurant is called L'Amie Jean. Have you heard of it? It's out of London. It is, in fact, in Paris. Yes, did I mention that? Yes. Yes, it's in Paris. I'm going for lunch, yes. Yes I am.

Because that's the kind of girl I am. That's just what I do, isn't it? I'm always popping to gay Paree for a spot of luncheon (I've never done it before).

Yes, Paris is basically my second home (I've been twice, each time for about a day).

I'm always looking up the latest restaurants to dine at, national boundaries don't get in my way (my manager told me about the restaurant and booked it for me).

And so, my dear readers, I am off! No January blues for me. In the words of Buzz Lightyear; "To Paris.... And beyond!" (Not really, I'm just coming back to London.)

Wednesday 16 January 2013

What's UP?

It's Wednesday and time for my regular guest Blogger to take over while I have a day off. Enjoy.


If someone says those two words to you how do you answer? I suppose it depends on what you think they mean? Do you interpret them as someone who is caring about your situation and wants to put an arm round you to comfort you? Or do you maybe see them as a kind of rebuke in which someone is trying to ask why you apparently can’t do something they thought you should be able to do? It’s all in the intonation of the voice as the words are spoken isn’t it?

Today I’m using these words a different way - to ask what is the word UP all about. In its basic sense it means “toward a higher place or state”. It’s the opposite of down. Let’s look at some of the many ways the word UP has come to be used and maybe ask yourself why when, in many cases, it could quite simply be left out:

1. Why do we wake UP?

2. At a meeting why does a subject come UP?

3. Why do we say to people, “Speak UP”?

4. Why are candidates UP for election and elected officials UP for re-election?

5. Why is it UP to someone to write UP a report on a meeting?

6. Why do we call UP (or ring UP) our friends?

7. Why do we say that we can brighten UP a room?

8. Why do we polish UP something (table, car, silver)?

9. Why do we warm UP leftover food and clean UP the kitchen?

10. Why do we lock UP the house?

11. Why do people fix UP an old car or machinery?

12. We say people stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite & think UP excuses

13. We say to be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is something special

14. Confusingly we say that a drain had to be opened UP because it had got blocked UP.

15. Why do we open UP a shop in the morning & close it UP at night?

16. Why do we move UP in a queue or sidle UP to someone when we are moving horizontally?

17. Why do we call a raid on a shop a hold UP or a stick UP?

18. Why do we fill UP the tank in our car with petrol/gas when we could just fill it?

19. When the sun comes out, after bad weather, we say it is clearing UP

20. Why do we often call a cooked breakfast a fry UP? And get told to eat UP our food?

21. Why do we brush UP on our knowledge of a subject?

22. Why can we sit UP when we’re actually sitting down?

23. Why can we look something UP in a book when we’re looking down at it?

24. Why do we drive UP the road or lane (or even the wall)?

25. Why do we dig UP plants/flowers in our garden when we’re obviously digging down?

In many, but not all, of those examples it is just as easy to miss the “UP” out and the meaning is still clear. We can just as easily “wake” as “wake up”, “warm” food as “warm up” food and so on.

I suppose you could say that we’re a bit mixed UP about UP. It takes UP a lot of space in a dictionary definition. If you’re UP to it you can try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will, though, take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with lots more than just the few I’ve given. Have a think of more examples as there must be many more than the 25 I’ve given.

I could go on and but I’ll wrap it UP now because my time is UP and it’s time to shut UP!

As I collected the different meanings I put them into a Word document so I could save them. And you know what I called the file don’t you? – “What’s UP.doc”. Now tell me what was that rabbit’s name again?

So then, what’s UP? – I’ll let you decide.

Tuesday 15 January 2013

Acting on my bucket list

At the start of September, I posted a bucket list so I thought it was time for a little check in, to let you know about my progress.

1. Join a book club.
Ok, I still look hopefully at signs in Waterstones stores or online and intend to do it. To be honest, I forgot I'd kind of obliged myself to do it by writing it here so I forgot to make myself join one! I'll do it, I promise.

2. Master front crawl.
I don't swim as regularly at the moment for a few reasons. The main one is that they close the outdoor pool from October til April and the indoor pool isn't as fun. Also, I pulled a muscle in my leg a few months ago so took ages to get back into it. Perfecting breast stroke is my main focus when I do get to the pool. Fail no. 2.

3. Go back to Namibia (or at least make solid plans about it).
Ok. This one is going well. A friend who I worked for as a travel consultant is over from Namibia at the end of this month. We are going for a drink to discuss a two week trip to Namibia next year.

4. Go on (or plan) an epic walking adventure.
Ummm.... Does Richmond Park count?

5. Try running (haha!)
This one I did.... Kind of. I ran for the bus this evening, which I jumped on in haste then five minutes later realised was not on its way to my house. It was the wrong bus. I ran. I ran for a bus. And it wasn't even the right bus. But I did run. This is a fact.

6. Go to Secret Cinema at least once.
Ummm.... I went to the normal cinema last week... Does that count as being half way there?

7. Sign up for a college course (not sure what in, I just think would be fun. Maybe food).
I'm thinking of doing a course in history or ancient civilisation or something. Another thing I forgot I'd told the world I'd do so forgot to sign myself up for something.

8. Go to that restaurant in London where everything’s completely in the dark.
This one I have not done either but I have possibly done something better... I'm going to a lovely restaurant in Paris on Thursday which comes with a fabulous recommendation from my manager. I still have the restaurant-in-the-dark place in the back of my mind though.

So there you have it. Not progress as such. Not what you'd call 'solid plans.' It really just amounts to running for the bus and a planned drink with a friend from Namibia. But it is progress. Of a sort.

Monday 14 January 2013

Things Danda loves

Marmite

Chelsea Football Club

Brian Cox (the astronomer)

Space and stars

Zombie flicks

Learning about ancient civilizations

His Crocs

Reading

2nd World War history

Eating the food I cook for him

Doing the dishes

Having a cup of tea while watching the news first thing in the morning

Homeland

Westerns and cowboy films, especially ones starring The Duke

Yoga

Cadbury's Fruit and Nut

Going on holiday

Playing golf (he says he's fantastic but I haven't got any evidence to prove this statement)

Ice cream

Sunday 13 January 2013

A review of recent truffle products

My adventures in the land of truffles began just four months ago after an encounter with this amazing truffle butter...

Truffle butter

It's the type of thing that, at room temperature, you could eat in one go, with some breadsticks and/or some thin crackers. It's a dangerous thing to have in the fridge, due to the desire to just eat it in one go. Now I'm not a health expert or anything but I think that eating sticks of butter isn't really recommended. But once you peel back the pack and catch a whiff of its truffley goodness, you become helpless.

My next encounter was with truffle honey, which I was initially puzzled by. I liked it but had no idea what to do with it. Then someone told me to drizzle it over homemade pizzas and it was brilliant! When figs were in season and dirt cheap at Waitrose, I would bake entire trays of them on a really low heat for 4 hours, drizzled with truffle honey, orange zest and grated nutmeg. Mm mm.

I then discovered truffle pasta. I tried a few different brands but this one was my favourite as it was nice and thin and the taste strong enough to carry a meal without too much help.

Truffle pasta

It was like the most gourmet meal ever to cook the pasta and toss it with some sauteed oyster mushrooms then finish it with a tartufo formaggio cream by a company called Vallebona. So simple but so so tasty.

Next, someone bought me some truffle salt.

Truffle salt

I didn't want to just throw it into anything, the way I would with normal salt. So I made a foccaccia bread in which I used a bit of the truffle butter in the dough. When oiling the pan I baked it in, I used truffle oil. When sprinkling the bread with chilli flakes I also added the truffle salt. When baked, I sprinkled a little more truffle salt on and let it cool. And it was phenomenal! It was easily the best bread I've ever eaten.

My next truffle product was truffle oil.

Truffle oil

The white is more delicate than the black so is good for finishing things with, like a homemade pizza or a risotto. The black truffle oil works well in a homemade pesto, with pecorino, pine nuts and tons of basil.

Next, a friend brought back some truffle breadsticks from Paris and I scoffed them in one go! They were great, especially with a little knob of truffle butter on the end.

Truffle breadsticks

The next encounter was extremely unexpected. Out for Christmas drinks with work, we decided to get a few platters to all pick at as no-one felt like an entire meal of their own. The vegetarian platter was near me so I grabbed a pita and div into the houmous..... And I could taste truffle! I checked with the waitress and she confirmed that it was truffle houmous. Truffle houmous! It was phenomenal. I haven't found it to buy anywhere. If you see any, you have to buy it. It's amazing.

Truffle houmous

Lastly, yesterday, while in Nottingham with a friend, we wandered into a deli and found black truffle pecorino! I ate almost the whole block by itself on the train ride home!

Truffle cheese