K is for...

KERFUFFLE!

Which is what these worms are turning out to be. Bloody worms. Bloody I'm-so-environmentally-aware-and-do-my-own-composting worms. Yeh, right.

Firstly, the company I ordered my worm kit from promised to get it to me in 3-5 days. 8 days later and they finally arrived. A basic worm kit consists of the bin with all its trays and taps and this, that and the other, a carpet thingy, some worms, some worm feed and a fibre block thing.

When I opened my box, I had worms, a carpet thingy, worm feed x 2 and a fibre block thing. Hmmmm.... I'm missing all the main bits, as in the bin to put it all in.

And so I went online, to the value starter pack with its picture of a person putting some food waste into a worm bin. Then I looked at the small print next to it and in fact, the basic value pack consists of only what I got. Hmm... So the picture of the person putting food waste into a worm bin actually shows nothing that you even get in the kit you're buying.

So I searched around the shop, because obviously now I need to buy a bin and send off for it, as my poor worms are just chilling in a bag next to the outside toilet. I am sad for them. So I looked for a bin to buy. And I looked. And I looked. And I slowly grew more enraged.

Where is the BLOODY bin for these bloody worms? What's the point in selling me these stupid worm feeds and carpet thingy to put in my bin if it's not bloody possible to order the bin separately?!




(my bag of worms)

I gave up on them in a rage (not before sending a carefully worded email telling them that they need to just send me a bloody bin and ask me for some money or they'll be sorry... Yeh...) and went to Google. I googled 'vermicomposting' and 'worm composting' and 'worm bin' and 'where to buy a worm bin' and came up with lots of work suppliers. Wormsdirectuk promised me so much but then just offered me some worms.

I don't bloody NEED any bloody worms, do I?! I got worms coming out my ears. I need a bloody bin to put them in.

After lots of searching, I found a DIY worm bin website and will probably just go and get a few square plastic buckets tomorrow and drill holes in them, as I'm assured the worms will love that.

And so, Wiggly Wigglers and wormsdirectuk, I shake my metaphorical fist at you and curse the website you walk on. You have fooled me! You fooled me into thinking that environmentally conscious companies like yourselves, who are assisting me in my quest to live a more useful life, would be fabulous too. Fabulous and friendly and fuss free. I thought my interactions with you would be of people in the know, whispering secretively about our passionate for all things green, helping each other and making it easy for us to move forward in our quests.

But no. You sent me a bag of worms and some worm feed in a cardboard box and then left me out in the cold. I banged on the door and asked to let back in the party but you opened the door only to punch me.

"Take your stupid worms and get out of here! Figure it out for yourself!" you told me.

Well, worm people. This lovely quest to use worms to compost my food has turned into a right KERFUFFLE.


(the worms in their temporary home, a big saucepan)