Sunday 18 March 2012

The little boy with the big voice

Today, as it's Mother's Day, I'm going to tell you a story about a little boy and his mum.

I am in work, cleaning something or making a coffee usually, perhaps engaging in a bit of small talk with the customer waiting for the coffee, when....
CRASH! goes the beautiful, ornate (and quite delicate) door as the little boy throws it open and announces his arrival, "HOLA!" he shouts (he's Spanish) and ascends the stairs, chatting loudly. As I just used up all the Spanish I know, I'm going to write the things in English that I imagine he's probably saying.
"A CHAIR, MAMA! LOOK, A CHAIR, I'M GOING TO CLIMB ON IT, ARE YOU WATCHING ME, MAMA! LOOK! I'M STANDING UP ON THE CHAIR AND JUMPING. LOOK! LOOK AT ME!"
Mother joins child and parks up the pram. As she leaves the table to come and order something, it starts.
"MAMA!" the boy yells. She shushes him, to no effect. "MAAAMA!"
"Hiya, what can I get for you?" I ask.
"Yes, I'd like a..."
"MAMAAAAA!"
"...a ham and chee...
"MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!"
"Sorry, I didn't catch that..." I say.
"MAMA!
"...what sandwich was it?"
"MAAAAAMAAAAA!"
Mum is distracted, she's trying to shush him and her thoughts have become jumbled.
"Erm, a sandwich with...
"MAMA!" he demands, loudly. "MAMA!"
I wonder if it's ever going to stop.
"I'm coming, I'm coming," she tells him.
"MAAAAAAAAMA!"
"Ham and cheese, please," she gets out eventually before joining him at the table.
It continues at the same volume for their entire visit.
"MAMA, I LIKE COLOURING IN. LOOK AT ME COLOURING IN! NOW I'M JUMPING ON THE WINDOWSILL. OO! WHAT ARE THESE? PACKETS OF SUGAR. THEY LOOK SO GREAT OUT OF THE LITTLE BOWL AND ON THE FLOOR INSTEAD, LOOK MAMA, LOOK, I PUT THEM THERE! WHAT'S THIS? A SANDWICH? CAN I HAVE SOME? ME! ME! ME! MM, IT'S TASTY. I'M GOING TO COLOUR IN AGAIN. WHAT'S THIS? SOME SALT AND PEPPER GRINDERS? WOW, CAN I GRIND SALT AND PEPPER ALL OVER THE FLOOR? CAN I HAVE A DRINK NOW MAMA? LOOK I'M JUMPING ON MY CHAIR AGAIN. OOPS, NEARLY FELL. I'M GOING TO USE THE ORANGE PENCIL TO DO MY COLOURING NOW. I'M BORED OF COLOURING. WHAT CAN I PLAY WITH? O! A BOOK! READ IT TO ME! NO, I'LL READ IT. O IT'S DORA THE EXPLORER, I LOVE DORA. O LOOK, THEY'RE ON THE BEACH. I'M BORED OF THAT NOW. IS THERE ANYMORE SANDWICH?"
And the little boy's large voice goes on... and on.... and on... chattering at the highest volume he can reach, until they leave twenty minutes later. And everyone else's conversations resume where they left off.

I still haven't figured out whether it's cute or not. I'm intrigued. Why doesn't he have a sore throat yet? And when does he find time to eat? He barely takes a breath between sentences. And does he also talk in his sleep? Does he sleep? Or does he stay awake all the time, shouting everything that enters his mind?

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