The strange English language

The following is a guest blog from RuthJ at caderyan.com and was submitted to me via myblogguest.com. Enjoy!


The English language is a strange little thing. It contains the most words out of any other language, and though it is widely spoken throughout the world, it is actually one of the most difficult languages to learn.

Most other languages have rules associated with why the language is the way it is. Sentences are laid out to make sense and phonetics are easier to dissect. In English, there is no rhyme or reason to the way certain things are spelled or pronounced, and some of the words we use today don’t make sense as to why.

Languages were invented, which leaves it susceptible to error and confusion, and the English language is no exception. If we could go back in time when the English language was being created, we would have plenty of questions.

Did you ever notice that certain words would make more sense if used correctly with its counterparts? For example:

1. Why do we drive on parkways, yet park on driveways?

2. Why do we use garment bags to pack suits, yet we use suitcases to pack garments?

3. How come we play at a recital, yet we recite a play?

4. How come when we move something via a ship it’s called cargo, yet when we move something by car it’s called a shipment?

5. Why do we call people who ride bikes cyclists, but people who ride motorcycles bikers?

For the English language to make perfect sense, you would think that we would drive on driveways and park on parkways and that we would call those who ride bikes bikers and those who rode motorcycles cyclists. Instead, we do things backwards.

Then there are those items that involve numbers that simply don’t make sense. For example:

1. Why is it called a pair of pants when you only get one?

2. Why is first-degree murder worse than third-degree murder, but first-degree burns are less serious than third-degree burns?

3. Why do we call it a television set if we only get one?

We also have words that follow one rule but not for others. For example:

1. How come the day breaks but never falls, yet night falls but never breaks?

2. How come a king rules a kingdom, but a queen doesn’t rule a queendom?

And then there are just certain questions we wish we had answers to, including:

1. Why does the word lisp have an s in it? Was it some type of cruel joke?

2. How come there is no synonym for the word synonym?

3. Why are deer and moose the same for both singular and plural versions?

4. What was the purpose of spelling read and read or lead and lead the same but making them have two different phonetics?

5. How come you can turn a light on, off or out, but you can’t turn it in?

6. How can you be head over heels? Aren’t you already head over heels? Shouldn’t it be heels over head?

7. Why can -ough be pronounced seven different ways?

Unfortunately we may never know the answer to some of these questions, and the English language will continue to be a mystery to everyone.


Robert Hunt is a writer and linguist. He has studied the forms and details of many different languages. Robert has recently enrolled in Accent Pros accent classes to learn how to pronounce words with different accents.

A book and free time

I was away on holiday recently. It was nice. There was sun (sometimes), a swimming pool, a lovely group of people and some children to liven the mood, lots of water parks, beaches, shops, restaurants. All the stuff that you do for fun on holiday.

Except that I didn't really need any of those things. I just need a good book and to not have anything to do. I'm quite self conscious about my type of fun, as it's a bit antisocial and doesn't involve screaming and laughing and splashing around in cold water, playing water polo or something. It doesn't make me look like much fun.

While the others ran toward the oncoming waves and squealed and ran back when the freezing water hit them, and laughed together, I sat on a towel with a copy of F. Scott Fitzgerald's short stories and had the time of my life. I don't hate running in and out of the water, it's quite good fun sometimes. I also like sitting in a cafe with an espresso (at no other time in my life do I drink espressos, in fact I really dislike the taste of coffee. I think I do it in cafes when I'm in public to feel grown up). I like taking a lovely walk down the twisty roads, seeing the trees and rosemary bushes and wildlife. All these things I like doing. But if I'm totally, truly honest with myself, I don't actually need any of those things. I just need a good book and a place to sit and to have nothing on my mind (hence, I did zero studying on holiday...).

So they ran in and out of the water, shivered, laughed, played together. I took photos from my vantage point on the towel and read the Pat Hobby stories. It's not that I don't like people, but I spend the whole year being force-fed big fat textbooks and cases and statutes and no time for choosing something nice to read. So when I'm away from the textbooks, that's what I most want to do.

Until recently, I would just wait and read later and spend more time doing group things, things that are fun together. But I read a book about being honest with yourself about the things you find fun and that's what I find fun.

I'm not about to forgo hot air balloon rides over the desert or mountain trekking in exotic places, in the name of reading books, because that's 'my' type of fun! I'd like to think I still do exciting things, but in a more everyday way, I'd just like a book and free time please.

P.S. 15 days till first exam. Today's revision topic is Constitution in Equity and Trusts Law.

"I'm alright"

I have a friend who doesn't understand why I say this when I do. Actually, neither can I. But I say 'I'm alright' as a reply to questions quite often. Examples are:

Friend: "Laura, would like a cup of tea?"
Me: "I'm alright."

Friend: "This programme is a bit boring. Would you like to watch something else on TV?"
Laura: "I'm alright. I'm studying anyway."

Friend: "Would you like to stay for dinner?"
Me: "I'm alright, thanks. I'd better get home and study."

I'm alright?! How is that synonymous with 'yes' or 'no'? I use it to mean 'no' but why? Why is telling someone what your mood is like the same as saying 'no, thank you'? The friend who gets annoyed always replies with, "Yes, I know you're alright. But would you like a cup of tea?" He says that unless I'm really crying or have mentioned that I'm not feeling good for any reason, he can presume that I'm alright. But that's not the conversation he was having. He's asking me if I want something.

But I can't help it. It just comes out when I'm answering a question. 'I'm alright,' I say, as if it's an answer. I guess it means, 'I'm alright without it.' That's still not satisfactory because lots of things I'm 'alright' without but I still want them. I'm 'alright' without the cup of tea, no big disaster is going to happen, but that doesn't mean I don't want one. So no, it doesn't really make a lot of sense, no.

I definitely used to say 'I'm good' to mean the same thing. I remember being on a driving lesson and saying it. Driving instructor said something about lessons next week, was I going to book an extra one, or something, and I said, 'I'm good' to mean no.

It's like there are two different conversations going on. One person is saying, 'I'm asking you if you want something,' and you're saying, 'Let me tell you about my behaviour/mood.' It's quite rude really, just interrupting their conversation and starting a different one. Imagine if that's how all conversations went:

"Hi, how are you?" "I love cricket."

"Do you want to meet up for a coffee?" "Did you know my middle name is Louise?"

"I'll call you later." "I must remember to pick up the dry cleaning."

We wouldn't get very far in our interactions, would we? We'd all just be going on about random things whilst in the company of other people.

I must try using 'yes' and 'no' more often, I guess.

P.S. 16 days til first exam. Today's study topic is Formalities in Equity and Trusts Law.

Cake talk

Today, I have a day off work, so my brain has gone into meltdown. I'm not very good with time off. So I make jobs for myself. I have made a cake this morning already. I have also done a bit of Land Law revision. It's mortgages today. Not the most fascinating thing I can think of. With the brain in meltdown, I'm not very good at thinking what to blog about. So I'm just going to blog what's on my mind.

The biggest thing is planning a wedding cake. Not for me, I might add! Someone else is getting married and I'm doing their cake. (Me? Getting married? What a hilarious thought!) I had trouble falling asleep last night because I was planning it in such detail. I love a foodie project. Yesterday I went into the cake supplies shop and was just out of control. It's like someone had unleashed the mad woman that I usually keep under wraps and told her to get one of everything! It's not like I went in with a plan in mind and got things which fitted with my plan. Instead I looked in great detail at absolutely everything in the shop and thought about how I could possibly use it, picked it up and kept moving. Occasionally I placed things back when I'd re-made the plan after looking at the next item but my arms were still pretty full by the time I got to the till (maybe an hour after entering the shop).

When I was falling asleep last night I was running through, over and over again what I was going to do, whether I should put this here or that there. What type of cake should I do for the cake bit? I also took the momentous step of finally purchasing a piping bag, which is a thing I've always felt like I should have but was quite intimidated by, like muslin cloth. I now have both. I think I should practise piping things first because I can just see a big disaster happening on the actual cake.

Now I don't want to jinx things by talking about it too much and I hope Mr/Mrs Soon-To-Be-Married don't stop by this blog before the big day but here's the plan. Opinions please.

He owns a gallery and requested a cake in the shape of a picture frame. So I'm going to do a square/rectangle cake with gold frosting for the frame bit. Then inside the frame there'll just be white frosting and I got two little silver letters for their names.

Oo! I've just thought! Gold framing and silver letters?! It's not going to go together. Dammit. Should I go and get gold letters instead? Or will that be gold overload?

Anyway, two letters for names, whichever colour they end up being. Then I have edible red carnation petals that I thought I'd make a little flower out of for one corner and two small white icing hearts for the opposite corner. I've got two teeny tiny mini champagne flutes to put in the middle and thought I'd make some really small white chocolate truffles to either put on the board around the bottom of the cake or to put round the edge next to the flower, so it looks like part of the pattern on the frame.

It will probably change tomorrow, and the next day, so I'm going to start making little sketches or something so I remember each idea before I change it. Actually, here's the one for what my current idea is... (Obviously my artistic skills are somewhat lacking and the proportions will no doubt end up completely different.Those little blobs in the two corners are the mini white chocolate truffles.)

Anyway, that's the main thing on my mind this morning. Other thoughts are:

'I'd better try and finish revising mortgages today as the exams are really close..'

....and 'Omygoodness I ate a lot at the staff meal out last night, I should probably try to do a long walk or something to balance it out...'

...and 'I want to make the truffles for the cake today.'

Why do I always say things twice? Why do I always say things twice?

I've got this thing about repeating myself. I haven't worked out why I do it. My biggest one is when I agree with someone, or answer in the positive.

Example:

Customer: "Can I pay with my card here?"
Me: "Yes! Yeh. That's fine."

Customer: "Do you have a toilet here?"
Me:Yes, yeh, we do."

Customer: "Do you sell chocolates?
Me: "Yes, yeh, they're just over there."

Why 'yes' AND 'yeh? Sometimes it's 'yes' and 'yep'. Or 'yeh' and 'yep'. I've tried to stop it but it's like alcoholism or something. I just can't stop. I can see the problem but I'm too addicted. It's something I have no control over. I just wait for the next person to ask me something so I can answer twice!

"Hi! I'm Laura and I answer twice!" I'd say at the Answering Twice Anonymous. Or ATA, as they'd be known.

Sometimes I do it when I think I've skipped over the point too quickly and maybe the person listening might have missed it.

Example:

Friend: "Are you nervous about your exams?"
Me: "Well, it's not that I'm nervous as such. I'm studying all the time and I feel ok about them. You know, so I wouldn't say it nerves. More just getting them over with. I've been studying a lot. I feel ok about them."

I could really save a lot of time by just saying things once. But as fellow members of the ATA will know, sometimes you just want to make extra sure the person is keeping up with what you're saying, by saying it twice. I know it doesn't actually work, but I sort of think it does when I'm doing it.

Freedom rules!

It's another post from my regular guest blogger today. Enjoy!

Another possible oxymoron? How can there be freedom and rules together? Surely freedom means not having rules? Or might it just mean freedom is the best thing? Obviously it won’t be possible to do in a few blogs what philosophers and the rest of mankind have pondered over for thousands of years but let’s see if we can discover anything of interest. I’m going to do a quick general overview for this opener. Next time I hope to do something on the concept of freedom as found in popular music, then literature/films and for part 4 maybe tackle, in more detail, the awkward bit about the rules and their interpretation.

On 6th Jan 1941, Franklin D. Roosevelt spoke about looking forward to a world founded upon four essential human freedoms:

1. The freedom of speech and expression – everywhere in the world
2. The freedom of every individual to worship God in his own way – everywhere in the world.
3. The freedom from want – everywhere in the world.
4. The freedom from fear – anywhere in the world.

I wonder if you remember when you were younger words or phrases that were used to extol the perceived virtues of say footballers, singers or other heroes from the past and present.

Many who passed through the student ranks of tertiary education will remember the ubiquitous and iconic red & black “Che” poster which adorned the walls of theirs, or their friends’, rooms or the T-shirt which adorned the budding Marxist chest. Ernesto (Che) Guevara (1928-67) was a Cuban Marxist revolutionary - a ‘hero’ to many; he represented the way to fight for freedom from an oppressive regime. The Bolivians didn’t agree. Their armed forces captured and killed him in 1967. (He had been trying to stir up the Bolivian people up to rebel against their government.) On 9th Oct 1967, in La Higuera, Bolivia I wonder if Che realised that, co-incidentally & quite bizarrely, Engelbert Humperdinck was at the end of a 5-week run at No.1 in the UK Charts, with the song The Last Waltz? (Its first line reads “Should I go or should I stay?”) Probably he didn’t! Dodging bullets was definitely a higher, but unachievable, priority.

As I grew up, I remember seeing instances of graffiti, on walls, bridges and flyovers with the words “Liverpool or LFC Rules, ok!” or “Everton or EFC rules, ok!” or “Kenny (as in Dalgleish) rules, ok” and a number of others. They all wanted the viewer to know that their team or hero is the best.

Another type was painted by people who felt injustices had been done to an individual or group of people through a court sentence: for example in the UK, “Free the Birmingham Six” (given life in 1975 but freed after an appeal in 1991) and “Free the Guildford Four” (life sentences in 1975, freed after appeal in 1989). In these two examples the freedom is clearly from a prison cell; for Che & Fidel Castro it was freedom from the rule of a government they did not agree with.

Perhaps you hanker after a freedom closer to home: freedom from parents, parental control or from a bossy sibling. Would you like there to be more freedom in your school or place of work because you feel too restricted the way things are? We’ve seen in the press over many years cases where a pupil in a school wants the freedom to wear something or follow a fashion trend which flouts the school uniform rules. Should they be allowed to? Shouldn’t they? They want to break the rules, often in the name of freedom?

There are also cases of religious objections. For example, here in the UK, a Sikh can by law, wear a turban whilst riding a motorcycle instead of a crash helmet. A number of Christians have been in the news because of clashes with their employers about wanting to wear a crucifix (cross), as a symbol of their faith, in the workplace. And so it goes on with many different cases on our TV screens and in the press. Does this mean religious freedom trumps the law of the land? Sometimes, it does! Is it right to do so? I’ll leave that one with you.

Suppose you own your own house. Do you have the freedom to do whatever you want either with the building or in terms of the activities that take place there? Clearly not. For instance, you cannot play your music at full volume. Why? Because it causes a nuisance to neighbours. In other words there are rules! You cannot use it for business unless it has been authorised. Why? Because the rules say you can’t. What about your neighbour’s freedom to have peace and quiet? Do you see the problem? The use of your freedom may infringe someone else’s. Maybe that’s where the rules come in but who enforces them?

Think of those early pioneers in the 1960s Hippie movement. Freedom from society and its restraints was at the top of their list. However it doesn’t take long to figure out that this is an impossible lifestyle without money. If they work they follow the rules of their employers, if they don’t work they get benefits but either way they need and obtain money to fund their alternative lifestyle. Freedom costs!
Remember the bravado in words of the chorus to the song, “Society” about being free to go it alone, from the biopic, of Christopher McCandless’s life (1968-1992), Into The Wild:

“Society you’re a crazy breed
Hope you’re not lonely without me.”

Are you beginning to see the problem? Freedom does not, and cannot, mean freedom to do anything you want; and it cannot be achieved without monetary resources of some kind. Now what sort of freedom do you really want for yourself and others? What types of freedom are actually possible across the world? More importantly what are you, and others, willing to give up in order for more freedom to exist?

The stupidest day ever?

When I lived in Namibia, I did different things and one of the things I did was worked as a travel consultant for some friends at their travel business. A friend of mine had come out to visit and we took a ten day trip around the country together, which was part-holiday, part-educational for me, to visit places we sold holidays to. It was one the best, but most disaster-prone, holidays I've ever been on.

One day, we were staying in a little desert homestead out in the middle of nowhere. (The night before, by the way, I had been driving in the dark because we got lost, which is extremely dangerous, and had hit a small deer. Already the disasters have started.) We decided to go and see the sand dunes the next day. The highest in the world, they are, very exciting. We'd been before but it was amazing so we were excited to go again. We jumped in the car and sped off. You might think I mean, we got ready, got our stuff together, packed a little bag, got in the car and drove there. No. What I literally mean is, 'We jumped in the car and sped off.'

We got to the reserve and went into the little hut to get our permits to drive in. We had hardly any money between us and no ID. Of course, you need ID and money to get your permit. So we cobbled together enough for the entrance and managed to just talk the lady into letting us both in on the strength of my bank card! Ridiculous. It was just a card with a name on. I didn't have anything else on me to prove whether I was the person who's name was on the card or anything!

So we're in, phew, we won't be that stupid again. Never again. no, not us. We've learned our lesson. We get to the car park and park up. There's a shuttle service out to the dunes. Which costs money. Of which we have almost none. We gingerly approach the shuttle driver man and present our measly few coins, not enough to cover the cost of taking one of us. I say I am a travel consultant and travelling around, experiencing Namibia, etc blah blah, you can imagine the nonsense I was talking. And talk ourselves onto the shuttle bus!! Great, we're in! Phew, enough stupidity for today, we say to each other, rolling our eyes, and thinking how silly we are.

We arrive at the dunes. We can't wait to climb Big Daddy, as the biggest one is affectionately known. We kick off our shoes and socks and dive in. Climbing it is taking forever, we're hot and exhausted. I can feel my skin prickling in the burning sun, and that's when I realise it, we didn't bring any suncream! We came into the desert, on a burning hot day, and we didn't bring any suncream. I'm also massively thirsty.... Well if we didn't bring anything else with us, why would we have brought water?

Let's get this straight. We've come to a reserve that you have to buy permits to enter. Which has a shuttle bus service. In the desert. In the morning sun. Without any money, ID, water or suncream. Ok. Are you with me? So you see what I mean about 'We jumped in the car and sped off.' Four stupid points to us.

We press on, reach the top of the sand dune, wow, amazing. Let's jump down! This is SUCH good fun. Swimming in it, rolling, hilarious. I'm so at one with the world and with nature. I just love life so much. This is amazing. Everything's amazing. Ahhh!

We get to the bottom, walk to the shuttle bus, sit in the back, sand is in every possible space, we laugh and joke about what a great time we've had. I'm digging my hands in my pockets, laughing about how they're full of sand, and that's when I realise it... my bank card isn't in my pocket anymore.... it's in that MASSIVE sand dune. It's buried in the biggest sand dune in the world, that took me an hour to climb, and of course I wouldn't have any idea which exact bit I was on. Five stupid points. I'm gathering them at an alarming rate.

Then my friend says to me, "Have you got the car keys?"

And I just knew.

I didn't even put my hand in my pocket to check. I just knew. And that's when I uttered the infamous words that she still reminds me of to this day: "We'll deal with it when we get there." And then I looked around at the lovely view and pretended it wasn't happening. We'd be fine, my young confident self thought. It would alllll be fiiiiine.

We managed to get into the car easily. It was old enough that someone with the same make of car just put their key in and opened it! Then he tried his key in the ignition and it started! How lucky. You could take the key out and it would still run so I was ready to drive off straight away and head for the nearest town to get a new key fitted but the man wanted to check something. He turned off the engine. Then it wouldn't start again. The steering wheel had locked too.

The shuttle bus drivers told us not to worry, they knew how to hot wire a car (comforting thought) and would just take off the casing around the steering wheel and get it started that way. Until no-one had the right shape screw driver. It was rapidly turning into a nightmare. We were stuck in the dessert with no money, no ID, no water, no suncream, no keys, no bank card, and a car we couldn't start. Eventually some French tourists drove in and had the right shape screw driver and the bus drivers did their thing and showed me how to start it without the keys. I just needed something which had the right shape and I could start it up. Great. We were off.

The next day, nearing a town where we could get it all fixed, I stopped off for petrol. We couldn't get into the petrol tank, could we? Because we didn't have the keys. I also didn't have a bank card to withdraw any money to pay for it. Thankfully, my nice friend put her bank account at our disposal for the remainder of the trip as I was financially stranded. A man from the garage came with a massive crow bar and levered the cap open so we could fill it. As we were getting ready to go, I put my house key into the dodgy unhooked ignition on the car, and the little piece of plastic in the barrel broke........

I thought I was going to lose it. I felt like lying on the ground in the dessert and waiting for hyenas and lions to come and fight over my dried-up, un-watered, un-suncreamed body. I forget how we made it to the next town, I think the madness settled in and I blacked out for a day or two.

PS 20 days till exams. Still on Theft.