My worst food disasters

I had a recent one and it’s been haunting me and making me think of other kitchen disasters I have had.

I’ve tried making chocolate mousse a few times and can’t quite get it sorted. I don’t know whether I’m not whipping the egg whites enough or something but it seems fine when I make it. It’s the right texture and all that. Then I refrigerate it for a while and when I take it out, it’s just solid. It’s not light and fluffy, it’s heavy and un-airy. And it depresses me. It make ME feel heavy and un-airy. I don’t try to make chocolate mousse anymore.

I made some flapjacks a while ago. They were going to be a present for someone so I made sure I did a good job. When I took them out of the oven, they looked lovely. I left them to cool and went in the front room… Came back ten minutes later… They were black! I’d left them to cool on top of the oven, with the hob on! I NEVER leave the hob on. I’m really strict about turning things off with the oven and hobs. Lovely apricot flapjacks, cooked and finished and ready to eat… and ruined.

When I lived abroad, as opposed to one specific disaster, we just had an ongoing disaster concerning our diet, which was mainly that we were 18 and didn’t really know much about cooking. We mainly ate plates of rice with something added, eg rice with sweetcorn mixed in, rice with chopped onion mixed in, rice with butternut squash, rice with rice. We also made these dumpling-type things which were just flour and water with something added, eg, dumplings with sweetcorn, dumplings with onions…..

My latest one was a marmalade cake. The recipe said to use self raising flour AND baking powder. I thought it seemed wrong but I trusted it anyway. So I made the mixture, put it in the oven and checked on it twenty minutes later. Disaster! The mixture was bubbling like crazy and expanding at an alarming rate. It had overflowed out of the loaf tin and formed a little cake mountain on the bottom of the oven. I didn’t know what to do about it, I turned down the heat and watched it closely. When it eventually stopped exploding, it then sunk into the empty space that had been created from all the bubbles in the middle of the loaf. It looked awful! I felt like a failure. The next morning I woke up and tried it again, plain flour this time. It worked!

I had used the Great British Bake Off cookbook for it and later found out the recipe was one that a guy used then got eliminated! His had sunk too! And then they just put the recipe in the book without changing it! Madness. For anyone else wanting to make a sticky marmalade tea loaf from that cookbook, use plain flour!

P.S. 21 days till first exam. Today’s study topic – Theft. And I can’t find any of my Land Law notes! Oops!

What happened in my exams last year

A few months before my exams last year, I got my transverse colon volvulus and had an emergency operation. I was pretty much wiped out for about two months. When I came back to my studying, I was way way behind. Law is a difficult subject to catch up on because it's mainly just a load of facts and cases that you have to remember and because there's so much of it to learn, it's hard to take enough time over anything to make it interesting and exciting.

So I spent some time cramming before I went to my exams, Constitutional Law and Tort Law, I managed ok on. But Contract Law I despised before I got ill and so it was the thing I left until last to cram on, to get ready for my exams. I didn't have any time to do practise questions, or make mind maps or any of those things which are good for revising. And the following happened...

Constitutional Law - I had three essay plans ready to go. I love essay questions, you just memorise the info in a certain order and vomit it out on the paper when you get in the exam. I had been testing myself on my essay plan for at least two weeks before the exam. I got into the exam, I splurged everything I knew, finished with enough time left to read it over, put down my pen, felt satisfied and walked out with a fairly confident feeling that I'd done ok. Result = I did quite well. Woop!

Tort Law - It was all problem questions. Panic! Problem questions require you to memorise a load of stuff, then cherry pick which info you need, depending on the what the questions asks. O no! I work better on a 'make-a-plan-then-write-it-out-word-for-word' basis, so problem questions throw me. How do I know which info to pick? So I memorised a load of mind maps and figured it'd be clear when I got in which bits of info from everything I knew that I needed to use. I did two or three practise questions before the exam. I took the exam and felt alright-ish about it, but not really sure how I'd done. Result = I did pretty average.

Contract Law - Awful. I barely had any time left to dedicate to revising. I did what I could and cobbled together a few notes. On the morning of the exam, I woke up early to do some last minute revision and looked at how the topics had been grouped together. I realised that I hadn't quite got enough subjects covered to have three whole areas I could answer a question on. Hmm. I had two more topics to try and revise before I could properly answer three questions in the exam. I did one right there and then, on double time, with two and a half hours until the exam. I then found a study book with the second subject I needed in it and took it with me to the exam. The journey was quite long so I read up on Warranties whilst travelling. I went into the exam with a feeling of despair/hilarity at my own unpreparedness. I hadn't done any practise questions. I answered most of a question on Terms and Warranties before I reread the question and realised it was about Misrepresentation, which I had not studied. So searched through the paper for a question about Terms and Warranties and started afresh, way behind on time. I walked out of that exam knowing it would be a miracle if I got any marks at all. Result = I did Rubbish. With a capital R. Worst mark I've ever got from an exam in my life.

The moral of this story? 1. Don't get a twisted colon. 2. Revise more! Do practise questions!

PS 23 days till first exam. Today's study topic is Freehold and Leasehold land

Been nominated for a what?...

Ok, so I found out a few things recently. One is that there are things called Blogger Awards which are awarded by fellow bloggers when they think you’re doing a great job. And the other is that I have been nominated for one!

Thanks to David McGowan for the huge compliment he paid me by awarding me the Versatile Blogger award! You can find him here – http://davidmcgowanauthor.com. His blog is perfect for aspiring writers like myself, although he has actually written and published his novel, as opposed to mine which languishes, unwritten and ever-changing in my mind.

I now need to tell David seven things about myself, which by default means I tell everyone who reads this post the seven things. So I must choose my facts carefully… Hmm… Ok, here goes….

1. I once wet myself on stage when I was about three years old. It was at my ballet class and we were doing a show, in which there were lilies and bees. I remember wanting to be a bee. They had lovely stripey dresses and I WANTED one. I was made a lily instead and I got a bit of stage fright when I couldn’t see my Nanna. So I wet myself.

2. I moved to Africa when I was 18 on a gap year. I lived in Namibia on the edge of a desert, running a local town newspaper and teaching.

3. I grew up in Liverpool but lost my accent when I lived in Namibia because no-one could understand me!

4. I had a transverse colon volvulus last year, a condition so rare that less than 100 cases have been reported worldwide and I was written up in a medical journal.

5. I wish I could write like F Scott Fitzgerald.

6. Jo March (Little Women), Jay Gatsby and Jane Eyre are my literary heroes.

7. I went to the same university as Enid Blyton (not at the same time, obviously).

Ok, phew. Next bit, nominating 15 other bloggers for the Versatile Blogger award. I spent some time wondering if I’m supposed to specifically pick people for the versatility of their blog or just do ones that I like?! As 15 is about the number I follow regularly, its not like I have loads to choose from or eliminate on the basis of versatility. So I shall just tell you about the ones I like best!

1. Bariatric Beginnings – One woman’s struggles with things we probably all think about from time to time. I like following her journey and her posts are well written.

2. Bikram Butterflies – This woman is amazing! She can’t enough of that Bikram Yoga! She’s done something like a million year Bikram challenge (it seems) yet always makes her posts interesting and funny.

3. Truth and Cake – It does what it says on the tin. Well written and good fun. Her post, Heaven Is A Place Called Whole Foods, made me laugh til I thought I’d burst.

4. BermudaOnion – book reviews and writing. I get a lot of really great reads from her reviews. I also look forward to her Wondrous Words Wednesday.

5. Live to Write, Write to Live – a group of New Haven-based writers take turns to write a peice or answer questions. Always interesting and great for advice on getting into writing.

6. The Waiting – Pre- and post-baby arrival. Lovely and will appeal to recent parents, of which I am not one (thank god!). It is well written and honest.

7. Rantings of an Amateur Chef – Great for recipes of all kinds. Posts are very regular so there’s always something new to get stuck into.

8. The Rabbit Hole – She keeps her blog like a journal, which is quite refreshing and it’s not always themed, more like a wander through her thoughts (she hates Spam, for instance), which I always enjoy reading.

9. Omnomalicious – Amazing amazing recipes of all kinds. As a dessert baker, my favourites are the Pistachio Cake and Groovy Blondies

10. Crime Dime – Great blog about the criminal justice system and interesting social commentary. Their Children and Youth section is particularly good.

11. The Little Loaf – Stunning recipes, my current favourite being the Chocolate, Caramel And Peanut ‘Snickers’ Layer Cake that I have yet to make but spend a lot of time daydreaming about.

12. My Baking Empire – Lots of fabulous recipes, this is one I’m keeping in the back of my mind to make sometime soon – Cookies And Cream Frosting

13. Marion Retires – Really great blog about someone who decided to start her retirement with a bang, by going on an epic travelling adventure. I only discovered her right at the end of her trip so I’m hoping she will keep her blog up now that she has returned, given that she writes so well.

14. Towels Packed, Will Travel – Fabulous blog about a two year African adventure. I always read this one with twinges of jealousy.

15. Our Homeschool Journey – Again, not planning children myself, but I love this blog because it’s so lovely and imaginative. I often wonder where the ideas keep coming from!


Ok, I think I’m ready to go. Thanks again to David McGowan for the nomination and I hope you take some time to check out a few of the blogs I’ve mentioned as I really enjoy reading them and reckon you will too. There’s something in there for everyone.

P.S. 23 days till exams! Today’s revision topic is the mysteriously named ‘Three Certainties’ in Equity and Trusts law.

Things that bother me but shouldn't

Ok, the alphabet is finished! It was great fun actually and I’ll probably theme my next few blogs, I just have to figure out a good theme. For today, I’ll just talk nonsense. Not so much different to usual then!

So these things really bother me although I’m well aware of how unreasonable it is and that I shouldn’t spend any energy thinking about them, but I do, alright?

When I pull a cleaning wipe out of the box and there’s loads sticking out afterwards. I like there to just be a tiny tuft of the next wipe to grab onto.

Having to use more than one bowl to mix things for a cake.

Drawers being left slightly open.

Little bits of ground coffee falling into an espresso while I’m making coffee.

The cutlery being left to dry with the handle up. It needs to be handle down or you get drip marks.

Washing not being hung out to dry properly.

Stuff getting in my way when I’m stretching out my arms doing yoga.

Getting a wet sleeve.

Having to wait more than 3 seconds for the computer to load something up.

Plastic plants.

Avril Lavigne.

P.S 24 days till exams. I’m still revising murder for criminal law.

Z is for...

ZONKEY!
Some of you might have already heard about these. They are a cross between a zebra and a donkey. Rather unimaginatively, the names have been clumsily mashed together and you end up with something that essentially looks just like a donkey with stripey legs. I think it’s a pretty poor attempt at animal-mashing-together, to be honest, so I’ve given it a go myself. Check out the results!


First up! It’s the caterpony!

It has millions of tiny legs, which slow it down a little to be honest. The caterpony does not worry about this though. He eats leaves and grass in the same small space and waits for the day when it can weave a huge cocoon and wake up as a beautiful butterhorse, when its legs become much longer and it has lovely colourful wings.


Next in line is the girelephant!

It has a large elephant head on its long giraffe neck, which gives it a bit of a neck ache. It will sometimes be found resting its huge heavy head on strong high tree branches. Its long trunk helps it to reach the water from so high up but the girelephant must remember not to lean too far forward when getting water, as the weight of its head can topple it over, causing it to splash about helplessly, until a flying butterhorse spots it and pulls it out.


Last up in the Zoo of Laura’s Mind, the reinguin!

The head of a reindeer and the body of a penguin, this Arctic creature can fly in the air and go under water! When Santa gets nervous because there is a storm that may overturn the sleigh, the reinguin, just dips under the water for a while until he has passed the storm and emerges into the air to continue the journey round all the children’s houses.
When the reinguin is hunting, it can store its catches on its antlers and later, when he gets home, unhook all his fish and have plenty to eat.

So how did I do? Are my animals as believable as zonkeys? Can we get someone to work on creating them? I’m not scientifically minded so I’ll just provide the ideas. Any scientists want to jump on this?

P.S. 25 days til first exam… and counting…

Y is for...

YGGDRASIL!

(I'm handing over to the guest blogger again today.)

Yggdrasil is defined as: “An immense tree that is central in Norse cosmology on which the nine worlds existed” (Wikipedia). Apparently, in old Norse, it means “Odin’s Horse”.

What? You’ve never heard of it? A Google search throws up just over 3.5 million results (including pictures & drawings of seemingly endless variety!). Among those, on the first few pages are some intriguing examples:

1. Yggdrasil – the board game. On sale at Amazon for around $35-40.

2. Yggdrasil – a Swedish band (apparently of the genre “folk metal” – an oxymoron of a music type if ever I heard one!). Visit their MySpace site for latest info but some knowledge of written & spoken Swedish would be useful. Their debut album was “Kvällningsvindar Över Nordrönt Land.” (For those of you, without Swedish as a first language, it translates to: “Evening Winds Over Northern Lands”).

3. Yggdrasil – www.yggdrasil.com/ is the 7th result in the list and is a domain name which is up for sale. Yours for a mere $16,990 (£10,500)! Go on treat yourself!

4. Yggdrasil Afghan – This is a knitted blanket (or throw) based on the world tree idea from Norse mythology.

There are millions of other Yggdrasil results but perhaps one of the oddest is on the “nationstates.net” site which tells us there are 140 nations in Yggdrasil and if you look down the list you can see the different ones with their flags and main characteristics. Unreality springs to mind!

Odd word perhaps, to many of you - special to me. Why? Because I can remember exactly when I first learnt it and when I used it in an essay for the first and only time, ever - UNTIL NOW!

Why so memorable? It begins with me having to sit an English Literature exam many years ago. I was not good at Eng Lit. Prior to the exam I thought it might be a good idea to improve my chances of passing by learning some new words and slip them into some of the essays to make my work look better than it really was. Along with “Yggdrasil” I remember learning “amorphous” but can’t remember the others because I couldn’t work them into my answers. How did I come across “amorphous” & “yggdrasil”? Easy. I just flicked through the pages of the dictionary on our bookshelf at home. When I saw Yggdrasil I thought it looked quite unusual and would demonstrate my supposedly superior vocabulary skills.

Exam day arrives. I file into the hall. I sit down. When instructed, I “turn the paper over”. I begin the rehearsed pre-exam routine: spend the first few minutes reading all the questions thoroughly. Don’t start writing straight away in case you miss something later on. We’d had a reading list, of approx 50 books grouped into 5 blocks. We were told that, in the exam, there would be 5 sections, each with about 5 questions. As it was impossible to read and remember the plots and characters for all 50 books, we were told you could pick about 10 (2 from each section) and that should give you the ability to answer one from each of the required sections without too much trouble. Easy? Well, providing you’d done the work. I hadn’t. I’d read only 6-7 books, hoping to have done enough. My 5 minute look over the paper confirmed I hadn’t! I was ok for essays in Sections 1,2, & 3 but 4 looked tricky and in 5 I couldn’t do any of the questions. In section 4 there was a question along the lines of “Describe what John & Sally” - made up names because I can’t remember the exact ones in the question – “saw on their journey through the forest”. My extra words sprang to mind. I thought I could work a few into this question with descriptions of parkland, forest and some of that atmospheric mist drifting about etc. I’d have to give the 5th essay a miss and hope I would score enough on the four I could do. 1st mistake. I set off scribbling away on the first three essays and then finally came to what, I imagined, John & Sally saw on their journey. I breathed a sigh of relief as I put the pen down and the papers were collected. On the way out I did, as you tend to do, ask friends which ones they’d picked to answer. It was then I discovered my rather glaring mistake as a friend said, of the (John & Sally) question I had answered, “I couldn’t do that because I hadn’t read the book with them in.” “Book?” I said, rather glumly, immediately realising then, that I written a whole essay which was a complete fabrication. 2nd mistake. I’d been so determined to get my unusual words into an answer that I hadn’t related it to any, let alone “the”, book on the course at all! Doh!

The lesson was and still is today: concentrate - especially on the wording of each question on the paper.

Oh, and of course, I’ve never forgotten the word; I didn’t fool the exam markers; and, not surprisingly, I failed that particular exam – mea culpa!

Here’s a quote from a 2008 Graham Lockey poem actually called, “Yggdrasil”:

“Mysteries unravel in the time-wide shade
Thrown by Yggdrasil,
And under Yggdrasil
I solved the riddle of it all
And found what smiles lead to.
I’m bringing that smile home to you.”

I hope this ramble, from real life, did bring a smile to your face, wherever you are.

X is for...

X!

As on the end of a text message, eg "See you later x". This probably seems pretty straight forward, what's the problem, what's to write about? It's just a kiss on the end of a text message.

Well, this is where my over active brain kicks in. Should I do one here? I mean, the whole message only says "Ok" so does it really need one? But it's nice to do one. Alright, I'll do one there.

And should I do it at the end of every message? To everyone? Yes, just do it to everyone, because otherwise I'll be spending time thinking about who to put a kiss on a text message to. Just put it, as a friendly thing. If people know you, they'll know it's just a friendly thing. Ok. But what if I don't know them very well yet? Say it's someone at uni, who I just need to text about what time class starts tomorrow? Ok, it doesn't need one, because they might think you're being too friendly? A bit flirty maybe? But actually, we've become quite good friends now, we sit together a lot and help each other with tutorial preparation. So do I start putting a kiss on the text messages now, after a few weeks? But the sudden arrival of the kiss where there wasn't one before might arouse suspicion. Maybe they'll think you're developing a crush on them? So just don't do kisses, that's fine. But now I have to remember to do kisses for everyone else but not them. Imagine if I forgot and did it once but not the next time. That would look a bit weird.

And then there's the it's-probably-never-going-to-be-appropriate situations. Like in a professional capacity. I did this once, wrote a few text messages that didn't have kisses, it wasn't a friendship-type interaction so it was fine. But then they replied with an x on their text! So I panicked a little and wrote one on my next text, to be friendly back, but that bloody predictive text thing kicked in and I sent my reply with a "z" on the end! So they'd been nice and friendly and written an "x" and I'd replied with an unfriendly you're-soooo-boring-I'm-falling-asleep "z". I did it twice more, I'm blaming the nerves, before I just gave up altogether and went back to nothing at the end. I hope they don't think about their x as much as I do otherwise I've really offended them.

And these are the things I spend my time thinking about.... Is it any wonder I'm blogging instead of studying?!?!

Exams in just under four weeks, by the way. I must be pro-active! Today I will learn about theft! And I will be interested! And I will not panic! And it will make sense (ha!)! And I will remember it all!