The worst date ever? (and more getting excited)

This isn't really about the actual date, although it was pretty bad. It's more about my reaction to the date.





When this gentleman asked me out to dinner, it was one of those out-of-the-blue, I-don't-really-know-you-very-well, this-is-a-surprise things. I thought he might be nice so I said yes and he immediately gave me his phone number on a piece of paper. He'd obviously planned ahead.

On designated Dinner Day, I turned up and we walked to the restaurant. Not a lot of chat going on but I thought we'd get talking when we sat down. We got to the Japanese restaurant and got menus. The waitress came over pretty quickly and he said he was ready to order food. He ordered a bunch of stuff and then the waitress left so I realised he must have ordered for both of us. I was a vegan at the time and just knew he wouldn't have ordered anything suitable. Anyway, when the food arrived, I managed to nibble on a vine leaf or something. This was all happening relatively quickly and the food was a good topic of conversation so I didn't notice the main problem until we went for a little drink at the pub. We got a drink each and sat down at the table.... And I started up a few conversations... And nothing... Nothing! He had nothing to say! Disaster!

Now I'm quite a chatty girl. The type you have to shush if you want a turn at saying something. I can find something to say about most stuff. But this was ridiculous. I was expected to conduct the entire evening like a monologue because he didn't have a thing to say!

Sample conversation:

Me: "So where did you grow up?"
Man: "Alaska."
Me: "O that's interesting! What's it like there?"
Man: "Nice."
Me: "...Um. So when did you move here?"
Man: "Two years ago."
Me: "... Um. I grew up in Liverpool. It's really nice there, yeh. I moved here a few years ago, to go to uni. I really like it..... etc etc..."

One word answers. And no conversation starters. Every time I asked a question, just a single word answer and no return questions. I ended up just asking myself questions and then answering them, for the sake of there being some conversation. He told me one thing, about a scene in The Simpsons where they made a joke about a computer and emailing. He really laughed. That was the high point of his conversation offerings for the night.

Suffice to say, I scarpered as soon as possible and ignored his 'I miss you' text sent the next day. 'Of course you do,' I thought, 'You live in a world of silence. Of course you miss someone who's talking to you.'

So I forgot about it and moved on... Until one day I was at work. I worked in a little coffee place in a train station. The customers could see inside most of it but there was a part just out of sight where the stock room was. As I was leaving the stock room to come around to the front, I looked up and saw The Man From The Date approaching. Like a rabbit caught in the headlights, I stopped dead and ducked down. There was a bin next to where I was standing so I crouched behind it. It wasn't a very big bin, mind you. If he had looked over, he would definitely have seen me. After he left, my colleagues were looking at me strangely. I pretended to be searching around for something.

It happened the next day as well. I was standing next to the coffee machine, in full view and I saw him approaching from the left. So I just ducked down and stayed still. Ridiculous. When the other person on shift saw that I hadn't made the drink, she came over to make it, so I had to move out of the way. I crawled (that's right, crawled) across the open space into the stock room to hide. It was a pretty open-plan place. All he had to do was look slightly to his left and he would have seen me crawling across the floor. How stupid is that?

Why didn't I just stay standing up and say something normal like, 'Hi'. I could have done it in a detached way, to let him know I was just being polite and not inviting any interaction. Not that he knew how to do that anyway. But for some reason, I just kept hiding from him. It happened one more time, and I leapt over to the bin to hide again. I then didn't see him for a while until he arrived a few months later, with a girl in tow so I stopped hiding behind bins then. How silly.

The moral of this story is = don't say yes to a date before you've ascertained whether it's possible to converse with the asker.


On a completely different note - in my quest to get more excited about stuff, it's my friend's birthday today. She's Filipino so I'm going to embrace everything Philippines for the day. Their flag is red and blue mainly (I'll whip out the jumper and coat I wore to get excited about the Jubilee) and the Spanish were there so I'm going to say 'Hola' instead of hello to everyone today (yes, I'm aware that they don't say hola, they say 'Kamusta' but people won't know what I'm going on about if I say that). I'm also going to have fish for dinner because I remember eating a lot of fish when I was in the Philippines. I'll report back tomorrow.

Diamond Jubilee

It's a change of theme for our regular guest blogger today. Enjoy!

I’ve been doing a series on the concept of Freedom for the past month or so and will return to that next time. However I thought it appropriate to take a break this week and do something on the Diamond Jubilee. The celebration is occupying much of the UK news this year, and in particular, this past week-end. We had a Bank Holiday on Monday and a Jubilee Holiday on Tuesday so no work till today. Hurrah!

60 years on the throne is a fantastic achievement. Both here and abroad there have been a number themed “60” events held and paraphernalia produced: some good, some tacky. One of the most extraordinary has to be The Queen's Diamond Jubilee Gold Kilo Coin produced by our very own Royal Mint: it has a face value of £1,000 but, as only 60 are being produced, it will cost you £60,000 (about $92,000). What a bargain! Go on treat yourself – you know you want one!

QE’s reign has so far spanned seven decades and the tenures of 11 Prime Ministers. She is on her 12th at the moment with David Cameron. (Queen Victoria managed 10.) In terms of length of reign, QE is on 60 yrs 133 days (as of Sunday last) but QV is still in the lead on 63 years 216 days. (QE became Queen on 6.2.1952 although her coronation did not take place until 2.6.1953.)

During her coronation year (1953), a number of noteworthy events took place both here and around the world. There are, of course, lots but I think these examples are worth a mention, so here we go:


Jan

Samuel Beckett's play Waiting For Godot has its first public stage première
in French as En attendant Godot at the Théâtre de Babylone in Paris.
USA develops Hydrogen bomb.

Mau-Mau Uprising against British rule in Kenya.

307 people in UK are killed by the North Sea Flood.

Feb

Walt Disney’s Peter Pan has its premiere.

Watson & Crick (University of Cambridge) announce discovery of the DNA
molecule.

Mar

Josef Stalin dies.

Apr

First James Bond novel, Casino Royale is published by Ian Fleming.

May

Aldous Huxley tries the hallucinogenic drug mescaline for the first time
which inspired his book The Doors of Perception.

France agrees to the provisional independence of Cambodia under King Norodom
Sihanouk.

Edmund Hillary & Sherpa Tenzing Norgay conquer Mt Everest on 29.5.1953. It is
named after Colonel Sir George Everest a Welsh Surveyor-General of India
(1830-43) although curiously, he had not wanted it to be given his name.
(Previously known as Peak XV by the English, Tibetans had called it
Chomolungma for hundreds of years.) Interestingly, news did not reach the UK
until the actual day of the coronation (2.6.1953).

Jun

Egypt declares itself a republic.

The first Chevrolet Corvette is produced at Flint, Michigan.

Jul Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (Marilyn Munroe, Jane Russell) is released.

Korean War ends.

Aug

Soviet Union announces it has the hydrogen bomb.

4,000,000 worker go on strike in France over austerity measures.

Sep

Aserinsky & Kleitman publish their discovery of REM (rapid eye movement)
sleep

Oct

UNIVAC 1103, first computer to use random access memory.

UNICEF (United Nations Children’s Fund) is made a specialised agency of the
UN.

Nov

The British Natural History Museum announced that one of the most famous
fossil skulls, that of Piltdown Man, was a hoax.

The Chilean port of Puerto Williams is founded – at 54⁰ south it is the most
southerly settlement in the world (Pop. over 2,200).

Dec

Eisenhower delivers his “Atoms for Peace” speech (about the peaceful use of
nuclear power).

Albert Schweitzer gets the Nobel Peace Prize for his philosophy of “Reverence
For Life”.


At the end of the year/beginning of 1954 the first colour TVs go on sale in the USA, priced at about $11-1300 (depending on manufacturer).

Now, moving on to our own very local celebration. Originally planned for Sunday 3.6.12, it was brought forward to Saturday because the weather forecast for Sunday was horrendous. Our street (a close actually) had decided some months ago to hold a street party in celebration of the Diamond Jubilee. The organisers canvassed people to provide equipment (tables, chairs, gazebos & tents), baking, sandwich making and provision of drinks. I was asked to provide 4 garden chairs as they were seen by the organisers as they walked past my house. (That’s the organisers ‘walking past my house’ not the chairs if you see what I mean!) As they’d been outside for a number of years (that’s the chairs, not the organisers) I thought I’d better give them a bit of a clean up. I went outside and began washing them down; vigorous rubbing required to get rid of green moss deposits, mud and dirty streaks. Just as I finished chair no. 4 organiser Mike strides up the path to collect them. Whew, a bit close.

The next hour was spent, on the grassed area in the centre of our close, setting up tables, chairs, windbreaks, erecting gazebo & tents; each of the two huge tents could accommodate two tables and 8-12 people seated around them. All we needed now was the food. The call went out; people began pouring out of their houses arms laden with platters, plates and bags of stuff. There were scones with cream on and a strawberry on top, masses of sandwiches, salads, curries, sausage rolls & many bottles of soft drinks etc.

Here’s one of the food tables:


The large round red container, on the left, next to the bowl of salad looks like a tin of the small individually-wrapped chocolate bars called “Celebrations” which are always popular at parties and the like. However for this special occasion the manufacturers had changed the name of their brand to “Jubilations” – see what they did there? And we had one of those special ones!




Once everything was ready we were called to stand by the CD player which had been brought out. Power was supplied via 100 foot plus of extension cables. Then came the big moment to open proceedings: the start button was pressed and out boomed The National Anthem on full volume. Once finished, the cry went up, “Get stuck in folks”. That was it - our celebration was now under way: people ate & talked (but not at the same time, of course, being the well-mannered lot that we are!), kids had their faces painted with Union Jacks (that is brushes were used to paint them not the flags), older kids played football. Fortunately, although the sky had looked overcast most of the afternoon, the rain stayed off till much later. It did rain heavily on Sunday as the forecasters had predicted!

A good time was had by all although a few niggles were noted. I expressed a slight concern that The Queen had not turned up despite us “pulling out all the stops”. Part way through proceedings I asked the organiser where he had sited the Port-a-Loo for use by attendees. “There isn’t one!” he chirped merrily. There was nothing for it - I would have to make my way back home. (Mine is 2 houses to the left of the one top left in the picture above so you can see it was quite a trek! I estimated just over 25 metres. Could I make it in time?)

Well soon 7 hours had passed, everyone had enjoyed the bash but now it was tidy up time. As I came out of my house, heading south, I saw someone walking off, eastwards, with my four chairs in his hands. It seems someone had walked off with his so he was taking those. Once I explained that they were mine he gave them to me. However we were puzzled as to how someone else could have walked off with his chairs that they hadn’t brought and that didn’t belong to them. Lots of homes (well the 30 in the close) would need to be searched. I suggested a call to 221b Baker Street – see what I did there? – Homes? Like that other Diamond Jubilee Queen from many years ago, he was not amused!

Feedback from Day 1 of getting excited

I just wrote this post and then it deleted itself. I'm trying not to be angry right now. I'm trying quite hard to find this event exciting in some way. Erm. It's exciting because now I get to relive how great my first day of getting excited was.... Stay calm Laura....

Ok, let's start again and hope I don't miss anything out.

So yesterday was my first day of getting excited. I wore a yellow dress, a red jumper and a blue coat and I went on the Jubilee line in the underground. Actually, that's incorrect. Maybe I should stern from the top.

I donned my yellow dress in the spirit of Her Maj and set off for work. Now I'm bot sure where I've got this idea that the Queen wears yellow dresses from. Does she wear them often? Or had I seem one picture ONCE where she was wearing yellow and I've got it in my mind that she ALWAYS wears them? Actually, we mustn't count out what's quite probably happened. I've got my yellow dress washed and ready to wear anyway and am trying to find a way it seem regal.

Anyway, I knew people would notice and compliment me so I got ready for the tidal wave. I prepared a suitable demure Queen-like response and waited. Would you believe it, not ONE person said 'Wow, Laura, that yellow dress is magnificent. You know something? You really look like the Queen in that dress.' No-one! SHOCKED! I was just shocked. So I started pointing it out to people and got a few 'mmm's. All that effort for an 'mmm'?! I'm starting to think that maybe these people of the 'mmm' variety ought to embrace a getting-excited project of their own.

Also, I shed my red jumper and blue coat early on cause I was quite warm.

Then I was discussing my planned journey across London and a friend said the Victoria line would be much faster.

"But I need to go on the Jubilee line," I protested. "For the Jubilee."

"No, it's ok, because it's the Victoria line. Queen Victoria."

"You're a genius!" said I. "The Victoria line it is!"

It was a long while later before either of us remembered that OF COURSE the Queen is not called Victoria! You know when you just say something without thinking? Then later you suddenly realise what you're going on about?!

Sorry Lizzie, for forgetting your name.

I decided to take the Victoria line anyway because she was a queen of England, so it kind of fits with the theme.




As I was really getting into the whole excitement thing by this point, I leapt onto the train enthusiastically. Kind of. I stepped on with a slight bounce, I guess. I chose a seat and sat down. In my yellow dress. On the Victoria line. Thrilling.

The carriage was about two thirds full. No-one was talking. I took out a book in an excited lively manner and read it. At Euston, two women got on different doors and headed toward the same seat. The lady to my left, with a rucksack and walking shoes, was quite speedy and she easily beat the lady to my right, who, in high heels and small dress, was ill-equipped for the challenge at hand. When she realised she had been beaten, she just passed by at the same speed and pretended she didn't care. I wasn't fooled though. I could see she was gutted.

I was on the train for about six stops and I exited it in much the same excitable way as I had entered it.

And that was my experience of being excited about the Jubilee by going on the Victoria line. It was pretty cool.

So my thoughts about my first day of the experiment are that it's nice being excited about things. It adds a bit of variety. I'll have to put some thought into what I can get excited about next. I'm open to suggestions.

PS Today I am going swimming. This probably doesn't seem very epic but in my world it is. For a girl who hasn't got into a swimming costume in years, it's pretty big news. I'm sure it'll be fine. It's like being told that the next time you go out, you're only allowed to wear your underwear. I'm not used to being so undressed in public! Will spend the next hour or so psyching myself up. Wish me luck!

I'd like to thank....

A rather surprising thing happened to me. I was nominated for another blogging award. A 'Very Inspiring Blogger' award. How exciting is that? My half-demented, undirected ramblings have been inspiring to someone?! So, channelling my inner Bjork... I am a grateful.. grapefruit.

Thanks to David McGowan firstly, for nominating me. He's written a very good book called The Hunter Inside, and his blog is great for tips on writing (real writing, not random anecdotes, like mine...).

So the rules are that I have to tell David (everyone) seven things about myself. Ok, I'll try not to repeat the ones I did last time.

1. I'm very particular about which mug my tea is in. I like a big mug but the sides shouldn't be slanting in or out or anything. I like a straight-sided big-than-your-average mug. With a handle I can get all my fingers into. None of this curly fancy nonsense, that you can only get your first two fingers into. All fingers in the handle and a large, solidly built mug, please. It makes it taste better.

2. Midway through last week (my exam week), I stopped brushing my hair. I haven't started again yet.

3. In a low point last week, I started eating cake decorations, specifically small sugar hearts and edible red carnation petals. That was a time I'd rather forget.

4. I lost my trainers about two weeks ago and have been too lazy to look for them. (See why I gave myself that name now? LazyLauraMaisey?) I also lost my bank card a few days ago and am sure it will 'turn up'.

5. I make a lot of my own cake ingredient stuff. Today's banana bread has homemade butter, homemade buttermilk and homemade vanilla extract in it.

6. I have old-lady hands. Because I work in a deli and sometimes in the kitchen, I'm constantly washing up, using cleaning spray/wipes, burning myself, ripping my fingers apart on the clingfilm thing etc. So I spend at least an hour a day moisturising my hands. I then wash some dishes and it comes off. So I reapply it. Then I make some coffees and it comes off, so I reapply it. Then I'm taking/giving money so it comes off. So I reapply it. Etc etc.

7. I just ate a muffin.

Now I need to nominate 15 blogs that I find inspiring.

1. Marion Retires - Inspiring because... She makes me envy her fantastic life. Given that I'm 27 years old and envying someone in their retirement (traditionally a slightly more boring part of life, the immediate associations being gardening and knitting), she's clearly got it right. She's fantastic, her blog is fantastic. If I retire as successfully as her, I'll be pretty pleased.

2 - lifeinthedrivethru - Inspiring because... He handles the public so well. Then blogs his real thoughts. It's like reading my own thoughts sometimes! It's hilarious.

3. , - Inspiring because... They're such beautiful pictures. This is my favourite recent one - Lucile Prache

4. A Historic Virginia Plantation - Inspiring because... Again the photos are beautiful. I like reading the posts and imagining a life of such grandeur for myself.

5. Liberty Books Blog - Inspiring because... It's about people who use literature who try and effect positive change. Literature and positive change are two of my favourite things.

6. Grumpy Comments - Inspiring because... He's pretty hilarious. His encounter at the hairdresser's was fantastic.

7. Vicky... the Northern Chicky - Inspiring because... well, the title of the blog says it all = "Wacky Diary of Adventures Moving to Myrtle Beach (or Cape Cod) with 5 Kids!"

8. Go Bake Yourself - Inspiring because... If I'm feeling uninspired in the kitchen, I browse around and get inspiration. This cherry chocolate cheesecake, for example, sounds fabulous.

9. Bucket List Publications - Inspiring because... it is definitely NOT boring! Skydiving, biplaning... It's all going on here.

10. The Better Man Project - Inspiring because... "The world needs better men. This blog is simply my journey to becoming a better man every day and the lessons I learn along the way."

11. PhotoBotos.com - Inspiring because... I like looking at pretty pictures. This blog has pretty pictures.

12. Nerdy After Thirty - Inspiring because... It is well written and honest and good fun.

13. Just Homemade - Inspiring because... I love homemade.

14. From Scratch Club - Inspiring because... Similar to Go Bake Yourself. I come here when I'm feeling uninspired in the kitchen.

15. David McGowan - I don't whether this is the conventional thing to do because I'm going to nominate the person who nominated me, because he is inspiring too.

Getting excited about stuff

Ok, let's try starting on my list of things I'd like to do.

With it being the Jubilee, I guess I could give 'getting excited about things' a go. How does one get excited about a Jubilee? Draw a fake heart tattoo on my arm, of the type grown men get with the word 'Mum' in it. But I could write 'The Queen' in it instead? Ok, and I could wear something red, white and blue. That might be a bit of a stretch. I don't know if I have enough clothes washed to get to those three colours in one outfit. I have a red jumper though. Ok, I'll wear that today. And a blue coat. O and I mustn't forget to wear all my favourite diamond jewellery today... O... Wait... I don't have any. Damn. I don't even have any good plastic children's jewellery, the type you get in Christmas crackers, you know. The Queen quite often wears yellow dresses doesn't she? I've got a yellow dress. I'll wear that. With my red jumper.

Erm, I could take a ride on the Jubilee line on the underground. Actually I'm going to visit friends later so I do need to go across London, but not on the Jubilee line. Maybe I could detour to take in the Jubilee line?

Oo! I could get that lovely crown I keep stored away in the loft and wear it all day? Or my robe? And I could use a lovely RP accent (received pronunciation, for all you commoners who don't know what that means), and I could take an interest in India and Australia. And the Falklands, one must remember the Falklands, mustn't one? And one could curl one's hair and dye it grey and wave in a regal manner to all the little people. And give speeches about England....

Perhaps I'll save that for another day.

If there were a street party on my road (I'm too lazy to go any further) and I wasn't working today, then I could do that. There isn't a street party though. And I am working.

Ok, I'm ready, in my not very spectacular way, to be excited about something! This is revolutionary in my world. I have my yellow dress, my red jumper, my blue coat and I am going to take a ride on the Jubilee line. Wish me luck! (I'd better leave my crown and robe at home though, cause I might get them a bit dirty at work.)

Returning to life

Ok, so yesterday I had my last exam. I feel like it went alright but who knows if that signifies anything? I came home in a daze, my exhausted brain barely coping with the whole public transport thing. And suddenly I just couldnt wait to get back to normal things.

I had been wanting to do the dishes for days but felt too guilty if I stayed in the kitchen long enough to do them. So finally, I did them! It felt fabulous.

Then I went to the front room and gathered all the scraps of paper and manuals and textbooks and study guides and I put them in a box and taped it up and put it in the loft. I needed the physical distance from the books for my recovery.

Then I filled the law book shelf with other books, and it was like I was normal again! I almost went the whole hog and hoovered up but I was suddenly struck with exam-related PTSD and had a nap instead.

And so to normal life. What to do next? You know when you’ve been ill then you’re well again and you feel like you’ve got a new lease of life and you decide to take up mountaineering or something? I kind of feel like that.

I’m unfortunately not going to take up mountaineering but I did think I might just try doing stuff that I’ve always wanted to do, like be a bit sporty or friendlier or be the type of person who gets excited about stuff. I don’t really get excited about stuff, ever. Not birthdays. Not Christmas. Not royal weddings. Nothing really. And I realised the other day that that’s boring. That’s really boring. To just be so placid and unaffected by anything ever. So I thought I’d give ‘getting excited about stuff’ a go and see how that goes. Anyway, the good news is, I made it through the exams and, due to my guilt for the boringness of all the exam related posts, will be aiming to make my blog far more interesting from now on….

Best revision method yet

There a billions of cases to remember and I got in the habit of making up little stories to try and remember the names and it really works. The sillier the story, the more likely I am to remember it. I'll give you some examples without looking at my notes...

Wayne Rooney on the phone = R v Wain
A case where a guy did a telethon to raise money then gave cheques to the charity for the amount and they bounced and he had spent the money that was raised. Convicted of theft.

Lloyd Grossman on TV = R v Lloyd
Theft of films from a cinema by a person who worked there. He brought them back so he wasn't said to have the intention to permanently deprive. No theft.

"Chill, man" = Chan Man-Sin v Attorney General for Hong Kong
As in "Chill, man, I thought the bank would give you the money back." This one was a real stretch of my imagination! Guy wrote cheques and withdrew money on company's overdrafts. He said it wasn't an intention to permanently deprive because he knew the banks would refund the money when they found out it had been stolen. Convicted of theft.

It's cloudin' over, must get supplies from Waitrose = R v Clouden
Another stretch. This is for robbery - force can be applied to property, it doesn't need to be against the person. In this case the person's shopping bag was snatched. Shopping, Waitrose, cloudin' over, see what I did?

The Scarlet Pimpernel is always the goodie so must be in self-defence = R v Scarlet
From this case, we get the legal principle that if acting in self defence there is no crime.

Living in a caravan's not very classy = R v Klass
In this case, the burglars forced the door of a caravan with poles but entered the caravan without them to steal. No aggravated burglary, no weapons at time of entry.

Addams Family running a shop = R v Gomez
Defendant worked in a shop, bought some things with cheques which bounced, convicted of theft.

It's dangerous in church = R v Church
The test for dangerousness in unlawful act manslaughter.

Franklin the tortoise wouldn't be naughty (he's a character in a children's book) = R v Franklin
No crime = no unlawful act manslaughter.

Hopefully I don't start laughing in the exam from the silliness of the stories I've made up to remember things. Last exam today! Wish me luck!

I solemnly swear to tidy up the front living room when my exams are finished. And to do the dishes. And to wear clothes instead of jarmies. And to cook. And to stop living off crackers. And to stop drinking instant coffee. And to exercise. And to put all my law books in one box so they are not on every single surface.